Dear Prudence,
I am a man in my late 30s. For the past several years, I have been going to a barber who does an excellent job with my hair and beard. I don’t care much for his conversation, but I am a very quiet person and most of my appointments involve a minimum amount of conversation. Recently, however, an incident occurred that rattled me far more than I expected. A father was waiting in the shop with his two young sons (perhaps 5 or 6 years old) while I was getting my cut, and the boys were being children—not particularly rowdy, but playing and jumping in the waiting area and chattering. I am not a parent, but I like kids, and I did not observe anything from the boys that would have struck me as unreasonable behavior given their age. However, my barber decided to share with me that he hated hearing children or having them in the shop, and if the boys had been his, he would have hit them until they stopped making noise and sat quietly in the chairs. He was rather graphic about his desire to bully, scare, and strike little children, and clearly expected me to agree with him.
Prudie, I feel like people don’t look at men and think of the possibility, but I was an abused child, and part of my habitual quiet stems from being treated very much as my barber was proposing to treat his hypothetical children. I found the incident extremely upsetting and probably didn’t say more than three words the rest of the appointment. The thought of someone like the father who abused me growing up holding sharp implements near my face was … well, I was afraid beyond reason. I don’t really think he would have gone all Sweeney Todd on me, but in that moment I was not particularly able to reject the fear.
Now I am coming due for another haircut. A part of me feels that I am being very irrational in not wanting to go back to this man; it isn’t like he was describing actual abuse he was performing. Additionally, I know there is some etiquette around going to a different barber than your usual in the same shop, and I like the shop, even if I no longer like that man. I would not want to cause bad blood among co-workers by changing my allegiance. But I do not want him near me with sharp objects! What is the most peaceful and undramatic way I can handle this?
—No Trips Down Memory Lane, Please