Dear Prudence,
My best friend and I have been BFFs for 35 years. We don’t live close anymore, and so I get to see her only once or twice a year. The last time I saw her, I said something truly awful. It wasn’t about her, but it must have been terrible for her to hear. I’m so ashamed. I apologized immediately, and she said to forget about it and that I wasn’t wrong. But I can’t forget about it. It’s eating me up.
I’m going to stay with her over Christmas, and I feel I need to apologize again, to show her that I didn’t just apologize quickly and move on; I’m truly sorry. But that would bring the awful topic up again, and I’m sure she doesn’t want to have that conversation a second time. I know that apologizing just to be forgiven is not a real apology, but I can’t tell if my hesitation is me being considerate or just being afraid. Do I apologize and head back to Awkward Land? Or pretend it never happened and stay on Illusion Island a while longer?
—Sorry Friend