this is the code for the render ad
Wedding Woes

There's more than the shower going on here.

Dear Prudence,

My mother remarried about three years ago. Her new husband had two daughters in college. The first and last time we met them was at the wedding. Which is why I was surprised to get an email inviting me to a virtual baby shower for one of them. I clicked on their Amazon wishlist and nothing was under $250! I called my sister and we both agreed this was a pretty obvious gift grab so we declined to attend.

This has upset my mother. She says we need to embrace our new family. I told her that I loved her and I was happy if she got to play grandma to her stepdaughter’s future kid, but that didn’t make them our nieces or nephews and no one should expect that out of us. My sister agrees with me, but our mother keeps pressing the issue. What should we do?

—Gift and Grift

Re: There's more than the shower going on here.

  • I get you don’t know them but the “happy she gets to play grandmas but they’re not our family” seems weirdly harsh. 

    Send a card or a pack of diapers. An invite isn’t a summons and LW is reading a lot into a registry (most of which give you a 15-20% completion discount so yah people add expensive stuff for the savings too). 
  • Just buy an Amazon gift card in the amount you want and call it a day.  I wonder if they didn't feel like they "should" invite LW as well, b/c "family" and all.
  • It's not COVID lockdown anymore.  A "virtual" baby shower is a gift grab.

    I'm not even sure what it is.  Is it an actual party, but over video?  Or is it just here's my list of gifts to send me?

    Either way, I'd send a gift card I could afford.  Even if it's a stepsister I'll never be close to, I'd still want to send a gift and feel obligated to with/without a baby shower invite.  If it's an actual party over video and I don't have other plans, I'd briefly attend to say congratulations.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I get you don’t know them but the “happy she gets to play grandmas but they’re not our family” seems weirdly harsh. 

    Send a card or a pack of diapers. An invite isn’t a summons and LW is reading a lot into a registry (most of which give you a 15-20% completion discount so yah people add expensive stuff for the savings too). 
    And if she was last to peruse maybe the cheaper stuff is gone? 

    Either way there's a lot of resentment in here when there are a lot of inexpensive gestures that can take the stink out of it. 
  • I don't think this baby shower is the time for LW and their sister to work out their feelings about their mom marrying a man with two daughters and how to navigate their relationship with their stepdad and stepsisters.  That ideally should have been discussed when their mom was dating/engaged to him. 

    But LW and sister should grit their teeth and send a gc.  They then need to realize that if their mom is still their family, she comes with an extended universe in the form of a stepdad, stepdaughters, and an impending grandchild.  

    I would love to know what happened with their bio-dad. Was he never there? Was there a divorce (and how bad was it)? Did he die?  

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards