Dear Prudence,
My best friend “Jess,” her boyfriend “Josh,” and I socialize frequently. Josh has more in common with me than with Jess, and sometimes Josh and I have organized activities together where it’s just the two of us. For example, Josh and I like to hike, meet up for coffee, go thrifting, etc. Jess is fine with this because she has a demanding schedule, and she’s happy that we are good friends.
Last week, I went to the coffee shop where we usually hang out together and the barista asked me where my “boyfriend” was (meaning Josh). This has made me evaluate how we act together. Josh has never made super romantic gestures toward me, but we have chemistry and sometimes playfully flirt with each other. When I think about all the things we have in common and how well we get along, I find myself wishing he was my boyfriend.
This is tearing me apart. Jess is my friend, but I can’t deny I’m attracted to Josh. Sometimes I feel I need to stop speaking to both of them or I’ll do something I regret, like starting a secret relationship with Josh. I know I could limit the time I spend with Josh and only hang out with him when Jess is around, but that just means I would continue falling in love with him. What do I do?
–Falling for My BFF’s Boyfriend