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Wedding Woes

Each letter is worse than the last.

Dear Prudence,

About a year and a half ago, I confessed that I had feelings to a close friend of mine, “Michael.” It went how I expected it to go—neither rejection nor acceptance—but it was closure for me, and I slowly but surely moved on while we both stated that we would continue to be close friends.

Still, I have good instincts, and I could tell something felt off between us. This manifested in many different ways: Quality time with my friends is important to me, and we never hung out one-on-one anymore. When Michael broke a promise to me, I was furious and acted immaturely, which I apologized profusely for. However, he failed to see his fault in the matter, and my perspective of why I was so mad (breaking trust).

The final straw (for me) was when he finally—finally—decided to have a conversation in October about “us,” he lamented a variety of things that I’ve done that made him uncomfortable, like asking him to sit with me to look at the stars. Looking at the stars was his idea, mind you.

Clearly, he’s uncomfortable around me because he still hasn’t gotten over the conversation we had a year and a half ago … which is fine, I just don’t really know what to do. I personally am done with this friendship—and I just recently got into a relationship as well—but against all logic, he still wants our friendship. I don’t do things by halves (which you can probably tell), so how do I solve this?

­–Stuck in a Bad Rom-Com

Re: Each letter is worse than the last.

  • How about not doing things that involve a lot of emotional baggage with him?  Hang out as a group but not one on one?? 
  • IDK why LW thinks she has to solve it, this sounds like Michael's problem.
  • banana468 said:
    How about not doing things that involve a lot of emotional baggage with him?  Hang out as a group but not one on one?? 
    The LW says they don't want to be friends with Michael anymore, but most of the letter is them being upset that he disappointed them and has been different around them.

    If the problem is truly that Michael still wants to be friends and they don't, then the problem has solved itself.  Because Michael only wants to see them in groups anyway.

    Great.  Be pleasant and polite when they run into him.  Pull away from the friendship otherwise.  Or be more blunt and tell him the friendship has run its course.  But I don't think that's what the LW really wants.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • If you want to avoid Michael, start going a different route during passing periods and use your new BF's locker to store stuff so you can avoid running into him. 

    Also, you'll soon learn that doing things by 'halves' is actually key to self-preservation.  Being 'all-in' all the time is exhausting. 
  • If you don’t want to be friends then… don’t. That’s fine. And a pretty reasonable outcome when one person has more than friends feelings and the other doesn’t. 

    The “I don’t do things by halves” is weird. Feels very much like my way or the Highway which might be something Michael is reacting too. Either way this friendship feels over so let it be over. 
  • This sounds like a high schooler vagueposting to their LiveJournal in 2005.
  • This LW and the GF left off the wedding invitation should be friends. They can have epic CTJ confrontations over every little slight or non-issue. 

    I don't think it's so clear that Michael is the one who changed. I think LW is still upset that he didn't react the way they wanted to and is looking to make him the bad guy. I also don't believe for a second that LW doesn't care if the friendship ends.
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