Dear Prudence,
My mother dragged me through her multiple relationships since my father died when I was a child. Including uprooting me twice to move to a different state because her boyfriend was there. It left me with a lot of insecurity about intimacy and trust. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now I’m an adult, and my mother is engaged. Again. But this time the man seems decent.
My problem is that my mother is demanding that I use my limited vacation to spend a week at his family compound this summer. Apparently, all his children, siblings, their children, and all the grandchildren go every summer and enjoy the great outdoors. I am not outdoorsy at all. And I really don’t want to send my limited vacation and funds to attend a stranger’s family reunion. They might be lovely people, but frankly I don’t care. This is the same pattern my mother has indulged since my father died and I am tired.
Any time I bring up my feelings, my mother accuses me of being negative and pessimistic. She says I just don’t want her to be happy. I am happy that my mother is happy. I am not happy about the demands to get on a plane, rent a car, and drive hours to the middle of nowhere to socialize with strangers while bugs eat me alive. How do I talk to her about her expectations here? Or should I just lie and claim to have to work?
—No to the Family Reunion