Wedding Woes

Let them civilly dislike each other

Dear Prudence,

For reasons I’ve never quite understood, my husband and my father seem to hate being around each other. They’re both incredibly polite, they engage in formulaic small talk, but the interactions are awkward, stilted, and uncomfortable. Individually, they’re the life of any party. Together, they suck all the oxygen out of the room. My parents are getting really old, so we’re spending more time with them and neither of them are happy about that. How do I navigate this? Ask my husband to stay away? Ask them to go to therapy together? Sit them down and tell them I expect more from them? They seem to be doing their best to get along but are both clearly gritting their teeth while doing so.

–Oil and Water

Re: Let them civilly dislike each other

  • It sounds like this is the best situation. Have you talked to your H to get more insight?
  • I don’t really understand how she has no idea? And just ask your H? 

    Also I see my parents all the time without H. Just do that? Or maybe they’re codependent like SIL and her H who won’t go visit the parents without each other. 


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  • It may not even be that they dislike each other.  There is no mention of either one of them saying that or any disagreement.  It sounds to me more like they just don't gel together, for whatever reason.  There isn't really anything that will help that.

    Leave the H at home more often.
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  • If people are being polite to each other let them be! Don’t dredge up what they don’t want to share. 
  • I can't imagine going through [presumably] years of marriage and not asking my husband why he didn't like someone. 

    But yeah, don't drag them to frigging therapy. Go alone more often and let them make formulaic small talk the rest of the time.
  • Some people just don't click, and there isn't any explanation and any need to do anything about it. As long as they can be polite and aren't fighting, I say leave it alone. You can always visit your parents on your own if you find the dynamic that uncomfortable.
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