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Tuesday

CasadenaCasadena member
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in Wedding Woes
Today feels super hectic already! Catching up on the last few days of posts - hope everyone had a good weekend. 
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Re: Tuesday

  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    G spiked a fever Sunday afternoon so he and I spend all even in the ER. Just a cold virus thankfully, but not a fun way to spend Sunday night. He was home with me yesterday and back at school today. Slightly stuffy still but overall feeling fine. Hoping his counts stay good and no more fevers this week. 

    Boys definitely missed each other, it was was very sweet when they were reunited after school yesterday. 

    Found a couple dresses last Friday that are decent options for our gala next month. Macy's actually had a lot of options that were decent, but 2 were front runners in store. There's a few i want to try that they didn't have in stock so i'm ordering a couple more and then returning what i don't want. It was helpful to try on in store and figure out with my current body what styles/shapes/cuts/fabrics work well for me...makes it much easier to order online. 

    Question re: screen time. We've gotten super lax with any limits on screen time and we think we need to curb it a bit. Curious how other parents handle it and what kind of limits you have, if any? Our boys are 4 and 2.5. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    M is 3.5 and we try and do no screen time during the week @Casadena (nothing before or after school, unless one of us is solo parenting then all bets are off). We do pretty much unlimited on the weekends but we make sure we have an activity out of the house both Saturday and Sunday and do at least a little outside time too (unless it’s bad weather). 

    We do have to detox on Monday’s and M asks most Monday/Tuesday if he can watch a movie before and after school. By the end of the week he stops asks so much. Probably not a great cycle but it’s what we do now. He also doesn’t have an iPad or tablet we just do TV or he watches something on a laptop. 


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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    Hey @casadena can I ask how you all navigate sending N to school when G is sick? (Please don’t feel like you have to answer if this is too personal.) Obviously fevers can be a big deal for G, do you ever keep N home too? 

    J has another cold we think. He has congestion and a cough again. His oxygen levels were fine yesterday but we’re keeping a close eye on his breathing after having to go to the hospital. We’ve kept M in school to keep his routine and so I can get some sleep during the day, but I worry we’re exposing J to a lot of germs coming home from school. Our doctors give mixed advice. Most were like “you have to do what you need to but if you try and keep them apart, wash hands and wipe down surfaces that’s good enough”. But yesterday the NP said “well that’s a personal choice you have to make” and I felt like the worst mom in the world. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    charlotte989875 said:
    Hey @casadena can I ask how you all navigate sending N to school when G is sick? (Please don’t feel like you have to answer if this is too personal.) Obviously fevers can be a big deal for G, do you ever keep N home too? 

    J has another cold we think. He has congestion and a cough again. His oxygen levels were fine yesterday but we’re keeping a close eye on his breathing after having to go to the hospital. We’ve kept M in school to keep his routine and so I can get some sleep during the day, but I worry we’re exposing J to a lot of germs coming home from school. Our doctors give mixed advice. Most were like “you have to do what you need to but if you try and keep them apart, wash hands and wipe down surfaces that’s good enough”. But yesterday the NP said “well that’s a personal choice you have to make” and I felt like the worst mom in the world. 
    Ugh, just commiserating that this is a super duper hard decision and while I understand our providers can't make the decision for us, a little guidance and understanding would go a long way. I feel like a terrible parent pretty frequently when i speak to our oncologist. We have a good enough relationship now with his NP that she's pretty up front with us about whether we should keep him home at times or if we're ok to send him. 

    I can't think of a time when we've kept N home from school when G is home unless N has symptoms too, even at the beginning when G had pretty much no immune system. He's always gone when he's able. For us it was just impossible for one of us to be home with both, keep them apart, but also give each of them the attention they need at the ages they were/are. Couple other things we considered are: When G doesn't have fever or is on the steroid that tanks his immune system, he's at school too, so lots of exposure most of the time anyway. N needs routine, and we felt like he shouldn't have to miss out on school bc his brother is sick. And when G is sick, he's sick enough that he usually cant play for more than a few minutes at a time and sits on the couch the majority if the day - N absolutely cannot handle that much screen time! 

    Thankfully they're very good at washing hands when reminded and usually don't sit and play together too much. They're obviously in the same room, but overall we feel like the benefits of school/routine for N outweigh the risk to G. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    Ugh screw that NP @charlotte989875!

    It's not cool or nice to try to shame parents.  Welcome to parenting and motherhood in the United States!  You don't get a ton of time off, dad has to go back to work asap and there's no additional coverage for adult help to come to your house.  So you send your older one off to continue to socialize and not be ignored by you while you get to bond with your new one and maybe...just maybe catch up on the sleep that you aren't getting and REALLY won't get when you're back to work which is about 3 months after the kid is born.    But you're also a terrible mother for doing all of those things because socializing = disease. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    So complete change of events lol

    As of March I'll be moving to counseling pod and pay bump and I'm so excited and it's insane!!
    It changes a lot stuff that happens.

    Good news - pay bump adds $200 per pay for me.
    Other .... "news" is our ducts need to be cleaned. The HVAC guy suggested UV light because it's picking up a lot of stuff from basement - not uncommon with unfinished basements.
    The install of the thing is about $1,200 but the lightbulb change is like $60 every 2 ish years but it's an easy fix that M could do.

    Anyways it's just frustrating because it feels like one opportunity comes up and something hits it down .... 
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
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    None of y'all are terrible moms! Good grief you have to do what you have to do for your family and not every family has the same answer. 

    Obviously screen time was not an issue (as much) when my kids were little. DD and SIL limit the boys (5.5,5.5 and almost 3) to half an hour or so per day to transition from nap/rest time to play time. If the weather is crappy multiple days in a row, they usually watch a movie (this is more for DD than the boys LOL). SIL is a big sports fan so they may watch a game on the weekend but obviously they don't sit and watch an entire game. They don't have tablets or access to their parents' phones.
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
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    I meant to ask.  I’m obviously really big on online orders but is anyone noticing companies (not from amazon) taking longer to ship out and when they do, they use the slowest method? It’s taking a long time to get my stuff (understood during the Christmas months).  Or maybe I’m just spoiled with quick amazon deliveries usually?

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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    CharmedPam said:
    I meant to ask.  I’m obviously really big on online orders but is anyone noticing companies (not from amazon) taking longer to ship out and when they do, they use the slowest method? It’s taking a long time to get my stuff (understood during the Christmas months).  Or maybe I’m just spoiled with quick amazon deliveries usually?
    YES i've noticed this the last 6 months or so

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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    Casadena said:
    charlotte989875 said:
    Hey @casadena can I ask how you all navigate sending N to school when G is sick? (Please don’t feel like you have to answer if this is too personal.) Obviously fevers can be a big deal for G, do you ever keep N home too? 

    J has another cold we think. He has congestion and a cough again. His oxygen levels were fine yesterday but we’re keeping a close eye on his breathing after having to go to the hospital. We’ve kept M in school to keep his routine and so I can get some sleep during the day, but I worry we’re exposing J to a lot of germs coming home from school. Our doctors give mixed advice. Most were like “you have to do what you need to but if you try and keep them apart, wash hands and wipe down surfaces that’s good enough”. But yesterday the NP said “well that’s a personal choice you have to make” and I felt like the worst mom in the world. 
    Ugh, just commiserating that this is a super duper hard decision and while I understand our providers can't make the decision for us, a little guidance and understanding would go a long way. I feel like a terrible parent pretty frequently when i speak to our oncologist. We have a good enough relationship now with his NP that she's pretty up front with us about whether we should keep him home at times or if we're ok to send him. 

    I can't think of a time when we've kept N home from school when G is home unless N has symptoms too, even at the beginning when G had pretty much no immune system. He's always gone when he's able. For us it was just impossible for one of us to be home with both, keep them apart, but also give each of them the attention they need at the ages they were/are. Couple other things we considered are: When G doesn't have fever or is on the steroid that tanks his immune system, he's at school too, so lots of exposure most of the time anyway. N needs routine, and we felt like he shouldn't have to miss out on school bc his brother is sick. And when G is sick, he's sick enough that he usually cant play for more than a few minutes at a time and sits on the couch the majority if the day - N absolutely cannot handle that much screen time! 

    Thankfully they're very good at washing hands when reminded and usually don't sit and play together too much. They're obviously in the same room, but overall we feel like the benefits of school/routine for N outweigh the risk to G. 
    THANK YOU! Seriously this is so helpful. I feel like we’re in a similar position; M is so active and needs to burn off energy- if we keep him home he’s going to watch a lot of TV but be bored and it’s still too cold for us to spend all day outside. He’s good at washing hands but we’re all in the same house and viruses are airborne so we do what we can but it’s definitely not perfect. 

    M does great with routine, and he likes his friends at school so we’re still coming down on the side of sending him has big benefits. The risk to J sucks though. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    That’s exactly it @banana468! We se d him and we’re terrible for exposing J to all the germs. Or we keep M home and I get zero sleep instead of minuscule sleep I’m getting now. And M gets way more screen time which also means we’re terrible. There’s no good choices here. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    banana468 said:
    And we call it screen time now.  40 years ago it was cartoons.  30 years ago it was Barney videos.  50 years ago kids were outside on play grounds made out of metal that would get so hot you'd fry eggs and moms smoked Parliaments inside on rainy days. 

    There's a new way to be a bad parent as the technology changes.   You're doing a great job as long as you're not feeding M lead paint chips and J isn't getting Carnation instant breakfast. 
    Hey now!
    Late 90s/early 00s I had that lol

    I was not a breakfast person and my mum didn't want me starving 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    levioosa said:
    No one here is a terrible mom. Parenting is full of impossible choices. It’s not straightforward and what works for one family may not work for another. Ideally sure, keeping any potential germs away from J would be great right now. But that’s not realistic. And you have to weigh the growth and development of M into the equation too. It’s a lose lose situation but that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong as a parent. And, @charlotte989875 take care of yourself too. PP anxiety and depression can be insidious. If you feel like you’re always failing (you’re not) and if you can’t shake the anxiety make sure to bring it up with your OB to assess for Postpartum Anxiety/depression. You’re being a good mom and this has all been really hard. There’s no right or wrong answer and I’m sorry you were made to feel that way. 
    Thank you! 

    I started seeing a therapist specializing in postpartum after M was born and have worked with her ever since! She’s been really great support when J has been in the hospital too (maybe it’s normal but we were texting the entire time he was there and did extra sessions). 

    Given everything that has happened, J being so early and the multiple hospital trips I’m doing okay all things considered. I have moments where it feels like we’re making the wrong choices (like after the NPs response) but overall I’m feeling all right. Tired, but definitely not too anxious. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    MissKittyDanger said:
    banana468 said:
    And we call it screen time now.  40 years ago it was cartoons.  30 years ago it was Barney videos.  50 years ago kids were outside on play grounds made out of metal that would get so hot you'd fry eggs and moms smoked Parliaments inside on rainy days. 

    There's a new way to be a bad parent as the technology changes.   You're doing a great job as long as you're not feeding M lead paint chips and J isn't getting Carnation instant breakfast. 
    Hey now!
    Late 90s/early 00s I had that lol

    I was not a breakfast person and my mum didn't want me starving 
    Haha my H still drinks that occasionally.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    MissKittyDanger said:
    banana468 said:
    And we call it screen time now.  40 years ago it was cartoons.  30 years ago it was Barney videos.  50 years ago kids were outside on play grounds made out of metal that would get so hot you'd fry eggs and moms smoked Parliaments inside on rainy days. 

    There's a new way to be a bad parent as the technology changes.   You're doing a great job as long as you're not feeding M lead paint chips and J isn't getting Carnation instant breakfast. 
    Hey now!
    Late 90s/early 00s I had that lol

    I was not a breakfast person and my mum didn't want me starving 
    Yeah it's fine to have it when you're not a newborn!  My point is that as long as the newborn isn't having it then call it good!  
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    Yay for the dead mouse @mrsconn23! Like you I *hate* mice, we had an infestation one winter when I was a teen, the university a few blocks away was building dorms so it wasn’t just us but the whole neighborhood, but to this day I’m terrified of them.  Like I think I’d move if I saw one. Hope the one was it!! 

    @charlotte989875 first it was a pandemic pregnancy then a stressful pregnancy with hospitalizations. Please take care of yourself. I’d definitely have M in school.  The siblings’ lives (and routines) can’t just pause.  Glad you have a good therapist in place bc you have a lot on your plate. 


    Screen time- I’ve always just followed the AAP’s guidelines which are straightforward enough.  At their ages I think my kids can have up to two hours, which they’re under on schooldays simply due to lack of time, but it’s shows I’ve approved and not, like, YouTube.  I feel like guidelines often stress quantity, but quality is important too IMO.  Like your grandkids i@ILoveBeachMusic, screen time really translates to TV here. I don’t love handheld screen time for us, the kids don’t have iPads or any other tablet.  They do share a Nintendo switch, and are each permitted 30 min per day Saturday and again Sunday. My DDs aren’t really into the switch but DS does use it sometimes.  *All this said, this is what has worked for us personally as a family, on days when everyone is healthy. Everyone should do what works for them. 


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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    I think all of you are awesome moms.  I am in awe of what you all do. 

    Not too much to report here.  Just working from home.  I got Harley a new toy.  It basically is a bird on a stretchy string, that hangs from the door frame.  It is beautiful and seems to finally be wearing her out.  I think the calming treats are helping too.  The calming spray I've put on my chairs also seem to keep her from scratching them, which is nice.  (She has 4 different scratching posts/mats/walls /materials to choose from and kept going after my chairs).

    Otherwise, SSDD.  It was nice to be able to work from home today, but it's back to the grind tomorrow.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    levioosa said:
    charlotte989875 said:
    I also think everyone who is pregnant/ post partum should be given a therapist. Even if it’s just for the regular remind that newborns are hard, sleep deprivation is actually used for torture, and there’s nothing wrong with you if it feels overwhelming. 

    On a lighter note- any time J cries, M asks “hey baby J what’s wrong?” Then he’ll yell “he doesn’t have any teeth!!” Like the problem is not that he’s hungry or wet, but he doesn’t have any teeth. It’s sweet and hilarious and I love it. 
    I 100% agree. I also think it is absolutely batshit that the first time anyone really looks at mom again is 6 weeks later. Like you know if men gave birth they would have weekly appointments for the first 3 months and then they’d have once a month appointments for the next 3-6. They’d automatically get therapy and a pelvic floor Physical Therapist. And they would have way better pain meds, not just Tylenol and a colace for the constipation. 

    My friend and I actually did part of our master’s capstone paper/research project on women’s health, specifically postpartum health, and we talked about creating an app with resources, education, access to therapy, and other things. We fell a little behind with it because life, but it’s still something we’ve talked about rekindling. So many women feel so alone, and they lack support, and it’s overwhelming to try and find resources on your own. 
    I love this idea so much. It’s so hard to find research based resources on all things postpartum, particularly what’s normal, how to return to exercise, how to know what anxiety/depression looks like. I’m lucky that I already have a therapist but I’ve had the PPD screening form twice since he was born and I doubt anyone looked at it. And that’s with a baby who has been admitted twice to a hospital. With M I had mild PPA and didn’t score high on those forms (because symptoms are different than PPD) and my doctor was lien “this is probably still normal” even though I knew it wasn’t. Thankfully I knew enough to find my own therapist but how many women don’t know what to look for or where to go. Definitely go back to this when you can! 


    I actually talk about the bolder a lot with my therapist! And the lack of leave we have. The lack of support so many new moms have is absolutely tied to how we’ve designed healthcare, childcare, and work in this country and if men had the babies it would be so different. Which means we’re choosing to make this harder for women. 

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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    @MissKittyDanger, congrats on the promotion and raise!  I'm excited for you.

    And ugh, just to so much of what women and especially moms have to face.  Every one of the WW moms sound amazing!  But society sets it up to be lose-lose no matter what decisions are made.  And men don't face anywhere near that kind of parenting scrutiny.

    In some kind of miracle, my neighbor actually replaced the 10' section of fence that his tree took out over two years ago, during a hurricane.  Phew!  It was one of the big items on our to-do list for selling our house.  It wasn't necessarily the neighbor's responsibility because it was an "act of God" and was also technically our fence.  But then, he's also the AH that has two large trees right near the property line.  We have to cut the branches back 1-2x/year.  It was one of those trees that fell across our entire backyard.  The top of it was on our opposite fence, but fortunately didn't do any damage to that fence.

    We definitely did our part.  My H was the one who spent hours chopping the tree up shortly after it happened and got rid of all that wood along with the damaged part of the fence.

    I ended up taking a prescription muscle relaxant for my arm on Monday afternoon.  They say "may cause drowsiness", but I've never had that happen before so I should be fine even though I have three more hours of work.  Right?  Very wrong, lol.  I could barely keep my eyes open by 3 pm (about an hour later).  But the pain completely stopped for the rest of the day! I was WFH and by the time it hit 5pm, I took a 90 minute nap and slept hard.  Unfortunately I woke up with a hangover type headache on Tues. morning and decided to take the day off.  My arm barely hurt.  Awesome.

    But back to work today and the pain has returned.  It's definitely my work set-up...too high a desk and too low a chair (I think)...that's exacerbating things.  I ordered a fat cushion on Amazon this morning that will give me about 3-4 more inches.  Hopefully that helps.

    I also took @VarunaTT's advice and ordered some Motrin.  That muscle relaxant was amazing for the pain management but alas, I can't hang with the side effects.
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