Two years ago, my daughter “Ali,” who is now 11, befriended a girl, “Rose,” now 12, at an after-school art class. Rose seems a little immature for her age, is quite shy, and doesn’t seem to pick up well on social cues. One of the things I love most about Ali is that she will notice the kids who might not feel comfortable and make it a point to include them. This is what happened with Rose, as Ali made several friends in the class and always made sure to include Rose. They were in the same art class again the next year, and Rose’s mom, “Laura,” started to invite Ali to do things outside of class (we live in a different part of town, so Ali and Rose don’t go to the same school). Ali always had fun with Rose, and Laura often told me how the girls in Rose’s school weren’t very nice to her and how happy she was that Ali had become a friend, which warmed my heart as a parent.
When it came time to plan for last summer, Laura and I decided to sign Rose and Ali up for the same dance camp. While planning, I happened to mention other camps Ali was attending—and when summer rolled around, it turned out that Laura had booked Rose into those other camps, too. So for six weeks of the summer Rose and Ali spent all day together. It was a lot. Ali confided in me that she likes hanging out with Rose sometimes, but being with her all day every day was tough. Ali is a social butterfly and likes to make lots of different friends; Rose didn’t really try to make other friends, stuck close to Ali, and seemed to get sad if Ali wanted to talk to or hang out with other people. She asked if this summer, we could keep it to one camp with Rose.
The problem is two-pronged: First, Laura constantly tells me that Ali is Rose’s best friend, but Ali has a lot of friends. She considers Rose a friend, but not on that level. Laura asked if we could have a standing “playdate” every Wednesday after school, which I had to decline due to scheduling and because Ali had no interest. Two, how do I manage this summer? Laura has already started to ask about camps. I don’t want to lie to her, but I want to make sure Ali has a fun summer. I’d welcome any advice on putting up some boundaries here.