My late husband and I had an argument about money that almost ended our marriage. Now I have a chance to reverse his decision, but I’m suddenly not sure if I should. I worked my way through college in the 1980s and my husband made a good career without going to college at all. We had a daughter, “Meghan,” seven years before twin sons. My husband was adamant that all three kids would earn their own way, and told Meghan that she was on her own for costs after age 18. We fought about it—but I gave in.
Meghan earned a partial scholarship to a state school but we didn’t co-sign her student loans, so she couldn’t pay. Instead, Meghan joined the Army, and barely spoke to us. She was assaulted by a fellow officer and won’t discuss any of her experiences during the years she served. She did eventually become a doctor, but I wish she could have gotten there any other way.
By the time our sons were teens, the cost of college got through to my husband. We helped them financially, and co-signed student loans for what we couldn’t pay. Meghan was furious about this and accused him of loving her brothers more. They weren’t speaking when he died, about a year later. I’m still grieving both his death and their estrangement.
It’s been years, and my sons are thriving. They live an hour away and we talk often. Meghan lives states away and barely texts. We have dinner every few years when she travels through, but nothing I do seems to bring us closer. I’m writing my will. I know my husband wanted things split equally between our kids, but I want to leave her more to make up for what I couldn’t give her for college. Is this a bad idea? A good idea?