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Ooooooh, the rebellion

CasadenaCasadena member
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My 16-year-old daughter has started going to Quaker meetings. We’re atheists and have raised our kids to be atheists, and I feel (I know this is unfair) personally rejected by this. Obviously I can’t stop her from going, but can I express my disappointment in a way that owns that I know this is probably an overreaction?
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Re: Ooooooh, the rebellion

  • banana468banana468 member
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    Casadena said:
    My 16-year-old daughter has started going to Quaker meetings. We’re atheists and have raised our kids to be atheists, and I feel (I know this is unfair) personally rejected by this. Obviously I can’t stop her from going, but can I express my disappointment in a way that owns that I know this is probably an overreaction?
    Sounds like the parent who is now irritated that their child had the audacity to get vaccinated.


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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    This is pretty funny!  Church going kids might rebel by refusing to go or acting "wild".

    But this young lady rebels by going to church.  And not just any church.  But one of the most conservative, fundamentalist ones out there.

    In a way, she is personally rejecting her parents.  But that's what teens do.

    Easier said than done, but the LW should take this opportunity to let their child grow and explore their own spirituality.  Talk to their daughter about Quakerism, but for knowledge and to get to know their daughter better.  Not with judgement.  What has she learned about it? What does she like about Quakerism?  What is about this religion that speaks to her or that she finds meaningful?  Questions like that.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
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    short+sassy said:
    This is pretty funny!  Church going kids might rebel by refusing to go or acting "wild".

    But this young lady rebels by going to church.  And not just any church.  But one of the most conservative, fundamentalist ones out there.

    In a way, she is personally rejecting her parents.  But that's what teens do.

    Easier said than done, but the LW should take this opportunity to let their child grow and explore their own spirituality.  Talk to their daughter about Quakerism, but for knowledge and to get to know their daughter better.  Not with judgement.  What has she learned about it? What does she like about Quakerism?  What is about this religion that speaks to her or that she finds meaningful?  Questions like that.
    I don't think I agree about Quakerism being one of the most conservative and fundamentalist ones. I've always thought of them as being progressive - at least the congregation that is closest to us. A good friend of mine was raised there and always indicated it was a bit progressive.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    ILoveBeachMusic said:
    short+sassy said:
    This is pretty funny!  Church going kids might rebel by refusing to go or acting "wild".

    But this young lady rebels by going to church.  And not just any church.  But one of the most conservative, fundamentalist ones out there.

    In a way, she is personally rejecting her parents.  But that's what teens do.

    Easier said than done, but the LW should take this opportunity to let their child grow and explore their own spirituality.  Talk to their daughter about Quakerism, but for knowledge and to get to know their daughter better.  Not with judgement.  What has she learned about it? What does she like about Quakerism?  What is about this religion that speaks to her or that she finds meaningful?  Questions like that.
    I don't think I agree about Quakerism being one of the most conservative and fundamentalist ones. I've always thought of them as being progressive - at least the congregation that is closest to us. A good friend of mine was raised there and always indicated it was a bit progressive.
    It's possible I'm wrong.  I don't know that much about Quakers.  My impression has always been they are only a couple steps away from Amish.

    I did a quick Google search.  I'm half right, lol.  There's a major schism in Quakerism between conservatives and liberal.  The conservatives sound like my initial impression.

    The "liberals" are only liberal compared to the other side.  They sound more like typical Protestant groups.

    She's still rebelling by going to church.  It's just the extent of the rebellion that depends on which type of Quaker church she is going to.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    I don’t know why it’s so funny to me that out of all of the Christian groups she chose Quaker. Like that’s not even one of my go to thoughts when you say “picture a Christian group.” My very atheist friend went to a Quaker school for college. She liked it, and while it didn’t convince her to become a member, she enjoyed the companionship and they were liberal enough for her to keep attending. 


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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    I think I need more info.  I used to run a community volunteer organization based on humanism/agnostic/atheist folx.  The families there wouldn't have been upset about this.  Most of them did encourage their kids to do their own exploration of religion, while keeping skepticism guidelines and principles at the forefront of the exploration.  There were some who did end up joining one of the non-denominational churches here that very truly does not speak about Abrahamic faiths at all, but follows a more humanist approach.  I would love for there to be an Ethical Society in my home city.  For better or worse, church buildings house a lot of community and it's hard to replicate.

    It's not really enough to just "not be religious" and expect kids to follow.  
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    STARMOON44 said:
    Quakers. Modern Quakers. Are not anywhere close to Amish. They are one of the most liberal varieties of a Protestant out there. Quakers actually had a tradition of embracing and welcoming atheist members that dates back 90 years! I think this parent should try going to a Quaker meeting with their child. Support their kid!
    This has been my impression of Quakerism as well. I know a couple of hippy type yoga teachers that enjoy going to meetings who are absolutely not christian. They're pretty welcoming to the "spiritual but not religious" folks. 

    It sounds like LW needs to think about what raising kids atheist is supposed to mean and come at this from a completely different angle. Do you really intend to raise your kids in a home where they aren't free to explore different beliefs? 
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