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You're exhausting. I don't blame them.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I am at my wits’ end with my daughter-in-law and her mother! My son and DIL have a new baby that I do not get to see very often, despite living close to them. HER mother on the other hand, lives about two hours away, but seems to see them several times a week. How do I know? My son and DIL have an app to upload photos of the baby (they don’t allow photos of the baby on Facebook and say it’s “too hard” to text me updates, which is a another can of worms). When I asked my son why she gets to see the baby more than I do, he said that she comes over to do chores. Well, I don’t see photos of her doing chores, I see selfies of her cuddling my grand baby! When they have deigned to invite me over, I have offered to do chores too. One time, my DIL told me that I was washing the bottles incorrectly. The next time I arrived, she had a note printed of steps to take to wash the bottles taped up to the fridge, like I was an idiot!

The other time, they asked me to scoop the kitty litter box, even though they know I am allergic to cats! Other times I have been over, she has pumped her breast milk right in front of me, and once asked if she could take a nap while my son was napping also. Sure, just go off to your marital bed while grandma is here! This week, I confronted my son about the lack of invitations. She then invited me to go to a baby music class at the community center with her and the baby, instead of being invited to their home. I am deeply offended. I am thinking that I should confront her directly this time instead of my son, but my sister says that I should keep communicating through my son, not with her. What do you think?

—The Wrong Grandma

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Re: You're exhausting. I don't blame them.

  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Omg you’re lucky they even talk to you right now. How *gasp* dare she feed the baby in front of you! And do you really think (most likely) that your son and DIL are getting it on with a newborn with you one room over? They just want a fucking nap. I’d probably either block certain pictures on the app so she didn’t see them for my own sanity, but LW is about to earn herself a no-contact situation. 


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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    Wow you’re lucky they’re even talking to you! Thrush is super common in newborns so you may need to wash and sterilize bottles. And if you can’t scoop the cat litter decline and offer to do something else! You’re exhausting. 

    My MIL came over yesterday. She brought me flowers and wine and I napped, showered, and yes pumped milk (although not in front of her but she wouldn’t have cared if I did). 

    Her mother is coming and helping in ways they need, you sound like you want to be catered to and entertained. Stop doing everything you’re doing and listen to what they need, not what you want. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    LW, you're a \#/.  At least listen to your sister.
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    Agree that LW is lucky to be as involved as she is right now. Jeez...even coming 100% from her perspective it all sounds awful, there's nothing she was even able to twist to put some of it on the son and DIL.  Just...wow
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    I really hope Prudie read her the riot act. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    I think this is a troll letter that snuck past Prudie's lie detector senses.

    I realize there are people who are delusional about how awful they are.  But this letter perfectly hits a few too many "outrage" buttons, with two of them being  common ones.  A mom breastfeeding her baby, especially in her own home.  "Geezers" who only want to use FB.  Parents of a newborn being "lazy" and need a nap.  "Evil mom/MIL" not being satisfied when she is invited to spend time with the baby.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    short+sassy said:
    I think this is a troll letter that snuck past Prudie's lie detector senses.

    I realize there are people who are delusional about how awful they are.  But this letter perfectly hits a few too many "outrage" buttons, with two of them being  common ones.  A mom breastfeeding her baby, especially in her own home.  "Geezers" who only want to use FB.  Parents of a newborn being "lazy" and need a nap.  "Evil mom/MIL" not being satisfied when she is invited to spend time with the baby.
    Maybe, but my late grandmother could have also written this. I also cannot tell you the stuff I hear sometimes that leaves me just looking like 🧐😳. 


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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    Yeah, i have no doubt that this is real. Grandchildren make people lose their F-ing minds. Gauranteed she was invited to the music class bc she doesn't know when tf to leave when she's invited to their house. 

    I do however, think it's super gross to ask someone who does not live in the household to clean a litter box, allergic or not. 


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  • levioosalevioosa member
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    Casadena said:
    Yeah, i have no doubt that this is real. Grandchildren make people lose their F-ing minds. Gauranteed she was invited to the music class bc she doesn't know when tf to leave when she's invited to their house. 

    I do however, think it's super gross to ask someone who does not live in the household to clean a litter box, allergic or not. 


    Maybe this was their attempt to “two birds one stone” the situation to get her to leave because she’d be so upset about it/if she does the cleaning at least it’s done. 


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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    This LW sounds absolutely delusional.  Her expectations are all over the place and mostly unreasonable. 

    "She's holding MY grandbaby!"   
    "There's no photos of her doing chores, just holding the baby!" 
    "She pumped her breastmilk AT ME!" 
    The 'oh go off to your marital bed!' when the new mom wanted to take a friggin' nap.  

    There are some questionable things (the kitty litter and also, her son could have woken up when DIL went to nap), but LW's so over-the-top that the valid(ish) complaints seem completely petty.  

    Also, that baby is gonna grow up.  If you're totally delulu and freak out at the smallest slight, the kid isn't going to like you.  
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
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    The thing that threw me the most?  There are no photos of the other grandma doing chores.  I'm sorry .... who takes photos of someone doing chores?  OF COURSE the photos shared will only be of her with the baby?  
    I don't think there exists anywhere in any of my photos one of me doing chores.  I think the closest is one of me cleaning out the rabbit pen before we demolished it so they could have their new one.  And the photo was because the rabbits were REALLY up in my business while I was doing it and it was funny.  Like "oh, you want to clean this area right here, I will sit here and not move now pet me" kind of thing.  

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  • banana468banana468 member
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    I would also not be surprised if it was a list of things, "Oh well if you're here when my mom is in the house she does these things.  If you want to do the same things then you could do things like empty the litter box." 

    Also, pumping the milk and asking to take a nap?  Um, the milk pumping is time consuming (took me 20 min each time to get a worthy volume) and by taking a nap THAT'S HOW YOU GET TO BOND WITH THE BABY.

    I totally recommend she confront the DIL.  It's a surefire way to have them go entirely NC her.  
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
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    She sounds like the kind of gma who just wants to be AROUND the baby. Not actually take of baby in any way. Otherwise I totally don't understand her bitching about naps and stuff. Um, that's how you can spend time with the baby? 

    Also, as the birthing parent who has had rough recoveries, having my own mom there was just so much more comfortable. Not just because she absolutely does a lot of chores and stuff aroudn the house, but because i was very comfortable being vulnerable. I don't want to draw MIL's attention to my vajayjay when i'm struggling to get up and down the stairs or crying when i sneeze or cough. 

    This woman needs to calm TF down for sure or she'll never see them at all. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    Casadena said:
    She sounds like the kind of gma who just wants to be AROUND the baby. Not actually take of baby in any way. Otherwise I totally don't understand her bitching about naps and stuff. Um, that's how you can spend time with the baby? 

    Also, as the birthing parent who has had rough recoveries, having my own mom there was just so much more comfortable. Not just because she absolutely does a lot of chores and stuff aroudn the house, but because i was very comfortable being vulnerable. I don't want to draw MIL's attention to my vajayjay when i'm struggling to get up and down the stairs or crying when i sneeze or cough. 

    This woman needs to calm TF down for sure or she'll never see them at all. 
    Yup.  I cannot imagine being in my own home, recovering from childbirth and the emotional upheaval that it did to my hormones and then being told that I had the audacity to be myself in my own home.   

    The people in that home are all of the ones who need to get used to what it means to cohabitate.  The LW/MIL is a visitor and the baby is a human being.  Stop acting like it's a reward and look at ways that you can help the people who are struggling.   

    I hope her son gets wind of this and I hope he tells her to go pound sand. 
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