Dear Prudence,
My son and his wife are upset with me for the scent my laundry soap leaves behind when I visit their house and/or hold my granddaughter. They’ve mentioned it before to me, that it’s strong and to not use so much, to which I’ve replied it’s very concentrated and I only use a tiny bit. I use Zum, it’s a clean, non-toxic laundry soap made with essential oils. I also use the bar soap in the shower. Everyone else around me, including strangers, have gone out of their way to tell me how great it smells and ask me what it is. People have stopped in front of my house just to smell the air when I’m doing laundry. It’s clearly a matter of like/dislike.
I recently babysat my granddaughter in my son’s home while they were working from home. My daughter-in-law’s mother usually watches her two days a week there, but she is away on vacation. I was the fill-in. My son messaged me two days after I was there that his couch still smelled like me and he made it clear he was unhappy about it and that I was being stubborn and inconsiderate for still using this soap that they’ve told me before they didn’t like. I offered to use a different laundry soap on an outfit to wear to his house the following week when I babysit, but he replied “I don’t think it works that way, LOL. You can’t just use a different detergent that doesn’t leave an odor that hits you in the face when you walk in the door of someone’s house.” My son was very confrontational in his message. He said when I sit on his furniture it leaves a smell for days.
I offered a solution of keeping separate clothes and yet he mocked me. I said I’m not sure what you really expect me to do then? He ended our conversation by telling me that he didn’t need me to babysit the following week.
I am so hurt now that they’re going to keep me from my granddaughter to force me to change my products. I use this soap because it has no harsh chemicals, and I learned about using safer products when my sister had breast cancer and we attended a seminar about household products and chemicals. I do think they’re having unrealistic expectations and are being disrespectful to me in their ask.
I could clearly switch to laundry detergent to appease them, but at this point I don’t think the punishment fits the crime. Am I wrong? Is it because I’m the paternal grandmother? I know we usually are the punching bag but this just seems silly to me. I don’t know, I’m at a loss here and not sure what to do.
—Heartbroken Grandma