Dear Prudence,
When we were dating, my wife and I kept splitting and getting back together over the big things: she wanted to start a family, and I wasn’t ready. The last time I tried to break up with her, she promised me she felt freed from her former need for kids, that it was coming from family pressure she no longer cared about. This was a very painful time in my life (my brother was suddenly institutionalized due to psychosis, and my job was a mess) and in my anguish, I decided to trust my wife. Two years later, we were married and she asked me to have a child anyway, telling me “she can’t imagine her life without a child.” I’m no longer religious, but I was raised to believe that there are very few things in life worse than divorce, so arguing with my wife over the fundamental flip-flop wasn’t in the cards for me. We now have a 10-month-old, and I am filled with regret, and resentment toward my wife. If I could divorce her without hurting my child, I would. But I’m not willing to hurt my child just so I can leave my marriage. Our day-to-day life is full of kindness, respect, and co-parenting, but I no longer consider my wife my lover—just a co-parent. What should I do?
—Feeling Trapped