Wedding Woes

I'd only let her come to my house to watch my kid, and the dog stays home.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
edited February 2024 in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

During the pandemic, my mother adopted a tiny little hellhound and refuses to leave it alone. It comes with her everywhere, from restaurants to the grocery store, and has a hair trigger attack so must be kept in her arms or in a carrier. It has nipped me and my husband several times and drawn blood on my 15-year-old nephew for daring to sit down next to grandma.

I am pregnant, and my mother wants nothing more than to babysit.

We could really use the childcare since it costs about as much as our rent in our area, but I am not leaving a baby with that dog around. My mother insists she will keep the dog in the other room, but she said that before, and my nephew still got bitten. I love my mother, but part of me resents that she is putting this creature over the wellbeing of me and my baby. How do I have this conversation with her?

—Hellhound

Re: I'd only let her come to my house to watch my kid, and the dog stays home.

  • I feel bad for this LW, but they *have* to put their foot down with mom.  There's no being gentle either. Your mom sounds like she needs to be told firmly, and starting now will help you down the line.  
  • I wouldn't visit if the dog is around and be very clear that the dog is not welcome in my home and then stick to it. 
  • You don’t. Your mother lacks any judgment about this, you cannot trust her. 
  • This is exactly the problem with some of the people who adopt tiny dogs.  They have an attitude of, "They're so little!  They can't hurt anyone."  But even a minor scratch or bite can cause an infection.  And babies are small too!  A minor bite for an adult could be a more serious injury for a baby.

    I don't know why some people lose their minds like this with dogs.  Even the mom supposedly acknowledging her dog shouldn't be around the baby isn't taking it seriously enough with this "separate rooms" stuff.  She already failed at it before and her grandson got bit.

    I don't think the mother will understand the LW's reasoning.  The best the LW can do is set boundaries and stick to them.  If mom doesn't like it, that's too bad.  Though I know it makes life harder for the LW also.  The mom wants to babysit.  The LW and their partner could use a babysitter.  It would be perfect, except for this dog so I understand the frustration.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You don’t. Your mother lacks any judgment about this, you cannot trust her. 
    Yep. There's about a 75% chance that even if the rule is crystal clear that babysitting only happens at LW's house and the dog is not allowed at LW's house, the mom will still bring the dog someday without telling the LW, for some BS reason like "the dog could not be left alone today" and "I'm sure it will be fine."
  • You don’t. Your mother lacks any judgment about this, you cannot trust her. 
    Yep. There's about a 75% chance that even if the rule is crystal clear that babysitting only happens at LW's house and the dog is not allowed at LW's house, the mom will still bring the dog someday without telling the LW, for some BS reason like "the dog could not be left alone today" and "I'm sure it will be fine."
    Oh I'm sure she'd try to pull it too.

    And the more I think about it especially since the dog drew blood, I'd be more inclined to say that the dog isn't welcome ever.  I'd even start off by not even babysitting but just see what buttons mom pushes when she wants to come for the first visit.   And now is the time to tell mom, "Mom you said you'd keep the dog away from a teenager and that didn't work so unfortunately I can't take you at your word."  

    Nothing a mom will love more than knowing she's not honest. 
  • You don’t. Your mother lacks any judgment about this, you cannot trust her. 
    Yep. There's about a 75% chance that even if the rule is crystal clear that babysitting only happens at LW's house and the dog is not allowed at LW's house, the mom will still bring the dog someday without telling the LW, for some BS reason like "the dog could not be left alone today" and "I'm sure it will be fine."
    Mom is absolutely going to bring the dog and play dumb. 


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