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Again, 'no' is a full sentence.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I work as a nighttime nanny for a pair of doctors. The pay is well worth it, even though my sleep schedule is murdered. Because the baby is getting older, my employment will end soon. I was planning on taking three months to travel and take a breather.

But at our early Christmas, my sister-in-law, who is six months pregnant, ambushed me and basically demanded that I stay with her and my brother to “help out” with the baby at the generous offer of room and board. This is their IVF miracle baby and it has been a saga. Everyone, and I do mean, everyone ganged up on me about what a wonderful idea it was and how it would be the perfect Christmas gift. I felt like I didn’t even get a chance to say no.

Now I am at home and stewing in resentment. My degree is in early childhood development but my sister-in-law has always been entirely dismissive of it because she believes that only people who biologically give birth have any “real” idea about parenthood (so teachers and adoptive parents don’t count). If I back out, my sister-in-law will milk it for all its work, especially if her pregnancy ends badly. The last time she was pregnant, she miscarried and blamed the buyers of their old house who required that repairs be made. It was in the contract, but she was just so stressed out! My brother allows her to bulldoze her way through the world. How do I get out of this other than faking COVID?

—Not the Nanny

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Re: Again, 'no' is a full sentence.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "I determined that I can take this on for X period of time and at Y rate."   Be clear that it's not going to be free and you need to have gainful employment.

    You may irritate them but it's better to either set up the terms of the employment now or completely decline then know you're set up for months of emotional and financial disappointment. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I wonder if the LW was being sarcastic when they called the offer "generous".  Someone with her credentials could make BANK if she is open to location.

    My friend's sister was a live-in nanny for a few years after she graduated college.  It was eye-opening how the industry works.  Or at least for the 1%'ers and the nannies who work for them.

    It was a well paying, sweet gig.  But I think the trick was she had gone through an agency.  None of this family/friends or Craig's List ad crap.

    This was 20ish years ago.  She made around $40K, plus all her room and board was provided.  There was a lengthy employment contract.  The family had to provide a car for her.  She had set hours/days she worked, so no "you're in our house, so you're on call 24/7" stuff.

    I also learned that when you're in this world, the parents will often use their connections to get their nanny a great job.  Either when the person is ready to move on or the family no longer needs their services.

    The children the sister watched were old enough to be in school.  She would get them ready for school and drop them off.  She'd pick them up from school and help them with homework.  She was still "on the clock" during the day, while they were in school.  She often had it to herself, but about half the time the parents would have her run errands/personal assisting.  It was in her contract what she was responsible for and what she wasn't.  So the errands were allowed but anything household related like cooking and cleaning was NOT, except for her own self.  

    NGL, I was tempted to look into it!  But you have to be open to location and I wasn't at that time.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    short+sassy said:
    I wonder if the LW was being sarcastic when they called the offer "generous".  Someone with her credentials could make BANK if she is open to location.

    My friend's sister was a live-in nanny for a few years after she graduated college.  It was eye-opening how the industry works.  Or at least for the 1%'ers and the nannies who work for them.

    It was a well paying, sweet gig.  But I think the trick was she had gone through an agency.  None of this family/friends or Craig's List ad crap.

    This was 20ish years ago.  She made around $40K, plus all her room and board was provided.  There was a lengthy employment contract.  The family had to provide a car for her.  She had set hours/days she worked, so no "you're in our house, so you're on call 24/7" stuff.

    I also learned that when you're in this world, the parents will often use their connections to get their nanny a great job.  Either when the person is ready to move on or the family no longer needs their services.

    The children the sister watched were old enough to be in school.  She would get them ready for school and drop them off.  She'd pick them up from school and help them with homework.  She was still "on the clock" during the day, while they were in school.  She often had it to herself, but about half the time the parents would have her run errands/personal assisting.  It was in her contract what she was responsible for and what she wasn't.  So the errands were allowed but anything household related like cooking and cleaning was NOT, except for her own self.  

    NGL, I was tempted to look into it!  But you have to be open to location and I wasn't at that time.
    DD has a nanny but she isn't live in. She has DD's kids 2 days/week and another family the other days. She has a legal contract. I have no idea how much they pay her but she is worth it! They did find her through an agency but it was more a clearing house. She had the contract legally drawn (she has been doing some kind of child care for over 30 years). She has been with them since the twins were 3 months old and DD returned to work. I have heard nightmare stories though, of other nanny situations that weren't as good but still through an agency.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    short+sassy said:
    I wonder if the LW was being sarcastic when they called the offer "generous".  Someone with her credentials could make BANK if she is open to location.


    I think it's pretty clear that the "generous" is sarcastic. 

    She needs to just say no or that she's made other arrangements, but faking covid isn't the worst idea either. 
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