Dear Prudence,
My friend of 50 years and I now email because we live far apart. But I’m realizing, through our last conflict, that she may be a bit sociopathic. I commented on a photo of hers that she looked sad and she blew up at me. She told me I was cutting/biting, she couldn’t change her face for me, and that I always do this. I have tried to remember a time I have ever said anything negative about her face. But I’m stunned—I have always thought she was pretty. Then she said that I had told her many times that she “ate well” and that I meant she was “chunky” when I said that. Again, I tried to remember ever feeling even remotely that way toward her and came up with nothing. I have said, “You eat well” to people who eat healthier than I do as a compliment because my diet isn’t the best. I tried to defend myself and told her she was judgmental, but she claimed I was making it all about me. So I decided to apologize because what else could I do? Then she said she doesn’t believe in apologies. She called me a wrecker, a downer, and petty and said, “No more photos for you!” but claimed she was not mad at me.
I began to feel a bit crazy and told her I was done with her. She talked me into coming back, so I tried and told her I needed her to be less harsh and she replied that it’s not in her nature, and she didn’t think she could. I told her I felt humiliated and hurt. Then she on and on about how she is a superior communicator but that she would try. She apologized that her communication style wasn’t good for me. (Not that she hurt me.) Then the clincher: She said, “I have NO regrets” in this. As I write this I realize I need to end this, but I’m also sad it came to this.
—Am I Crazy?