Dear Prudence,
Last year, I moved to a new city and joined a local book club to make friends. It’s a fun, low-key group, and I’ve appreciated having a monthly social outing. A few months ago, “Izzy” joined the same book club; we chatted a little bit and swapped social media information. Every single day since then, Izzy has messaged me 10-50 times a day. Initially, it was getting-to-know-you conversation, but it’s turned into her narrating her day with things like “I hate traffic” or “Had a sandwich for lunch” or giving blow-by-blow commentary on TV shows. She’s also strongly hinted that she wants us to be best friends and that we should hang out outside of the book club.
At first, I tried to keep up the conversation, but it was way too much, especially since she was reaching out during the work day. I shifted to answering sporadically, and she seemed hurt by this. During the latest book club meeting, in the middle of the group discussion circle, she asked me, “When are you going to stop ignoring me?” I tried to play it off by saying “Things are too busy for me to be on the phone all the time,” and that just seemed to annoy her (but didn’t stop her from texting).
I really don’t know what to do here. I do not want to be closer to her and deal with more constant messaging. I don’t want to lose my book club because of her, but I also don’t want to keep seeing her in person and risk confrontation. The club moderator did seem annoyed that she was airing personal grievances in the middle of the club discussion, but it doesn’t seem like she’s done anything bad enough to bring it to her attention.
What should I do?
—This Is Just Too Much