Dear Prudence,
I am a stay-at-home mom of a 4-year-old and a toddler. When my older kid was a baby, my cousin approached me about watching her baby, since she needed to work and her ex had abandoned them. I did for six months. My cousin barely gave me a dime for anything her baby needed. She left him without diapers, food, or even a change of clothes. I hit my limit when she would show up hours later, stinking of cigarettes and booze. I told her I wasn’t watching the baby anymore until she started to pay me $20 a day and promised never be late again. She screamed in my face and whined to the rest of the family about how I was out to ruin her life because of my “greed.” At a family event, my aunt and uncle publicly berated me and my mom over my decision, and I told them they could happily take care of their own freaking grandchild for free or give their sorry excuse for a daughter a kick in the ass. It caused more than a minor family rift for several months.
Right now I am watching a friend of a friend’s baby five days a week for $50 a day. She brings her own formula, diapers, toys, and other baby gear. She will be moving soon. My other cousin (from a different family branch) is pregnant and has asked me if I will watch the baby when she goes back to work—for my initial asking price of $20. I don’t want to. I am soured on one-sided family support. Also, this cousin didn’t say a word when the last fight broke out. I like having the extra money and being able to break off the relationship if it gets ugly. I would honestly rather watch a stranger’s baby than one I am related to (other than my own). I obviously can’t say this without causing another family fight. Help!
—Child Care Costs