Dear Prudence,
I am afraid of everything physical that normal people do outdoors: hiking, cycling, skating. I am terrified of falling, and although I have fallen, it’s never been while doing those things. The thing is that even if I try those activities and they go well, I never relax, and never use my success as an indicator that yes, I can hike/cycle/skate/whatever. As they say, “past success is not guarantee of future performance.” That is me! I am convinced that the next time will be when I fall to my death.
It’s affecting my marriage because I was more adventurous when I was younger (and nothing bad ever happened), so my spouse still wants to do those things with me, and I cannot. Even reading or talking about a trip where we might have to/get to hike/cycle/skate/ski fills me with dread. I don’t want to say no all the time, but I do not enjoy being anxious 100 percent of the time. I have tried everything: visualization, meditation, CBT, and self-hypnosis, but my fears are unremitting. My spouse is understanding up to a point but also wants to do the things they love, and why not? I urge them to do these things with people who enjoy them but they want to do them with me, and I did used to enjoy them, so I get their point.
—Fraidy Cat