Dear Prudence,
My niece and my nephew are only five years apart, but they were raised in radically different ways. My niece was expected to have straight A’s in all her honor classes and be a star athlete. Her parents never expressed pride in her, only berated her if she missed the bar. My nephew was so coddled over his dyslexia and ADHD that I would not be surprised if my sister still wipes his butt. He plays video games and squeaks by in remedial classes, despite being tested at a higher level. He is a smart kid, but the minute something requires any effort, he quits.
Last year, while I was visiting and my niece was back from college, her brother was surprised with a party because he managed to get a C in English. My sister baked him a cake and let him order whatever he wanted for takeout. I went upstairs and caught my niece wiping tears from her face. She told me her parents had never done that for her. My niece skipped all the holidays at home this year. She claimed she was too busy. Now she hasn’t been taking her parents’ calls. My sister is frantic and thinks her daughter is on drugs or has joined a cult. I told her that she is 21 and will be graduating with her master’s. She has a lot on her plate. I didn’t tell her that I think her daughter is preparing to go low- or no-contact because of the obvious favoritism toward her brother. I have reached out to my niece, but she hasn’t responded. Is it worth trying to have a conversation with my sister?
—Aunt on the Side