You say nothing. It is not your place.

mrsconn23 · March 20

Dear Prudence,

Some good friends of my family have a 6-year-old son, whom I occasionally babysit. He is a bit taller than some of his peers, and he weighs nearly 100 pounds. His parents are both obese. Unfortunately, they eat a lot of junk food and don’t seem to monitor what he eats. His mom will pack five snacks for the afternoon, and he’ll eat them all at once. They’ll go to the doughnut shop, and he’ll have two or three doughnuts. I’ve watched him eat six pieces of pizza in one sitting! I don’t know if it’s my place to say anything, but I really worry about his health as such a young overeater. Any suggestions on how to approach, or if to approach, his parents, who are dear friends?

—Anxious Auntie

short+sassy · March 20

That's a tough one because they know the eating habits aren't healthy for the child. But at the same time, it's not their child and not their place to say something. People are aware that junk food isn't healthy. They don't have to be told that. But they can't really change their son's eating habits without changing their own and they don't want to do that.

There are also medical conditions where people don't have the same feeling of satiety that the average person does. Considering how much he wants to eat even though he is a little kid, I can't help but wonder if something like this is a genetic condition plaguing the whole family. Maybe he never feels full. Or partially that and partially eating out of habit.

banana468 · March 20

You don't say anything. This is so problematic but it's not your circus.

levioosa · March 20

Listen, I can't even talk about it with parents without it usually blowing up as their health care provider. And I am soooo gentle about it. I have sensitive conversations about it with parent and child, and I take the parent aside and privately share things in a very straightforward and clinical way so I can prevent giving the child a complex. You are going to get no where with this. Is this horrible? Yes, but not your circus.

short+sassy · March 20

levioosa said:

Listen, I can't even talk about it with parents without it usually blowing up as their health care provider. And I am soooo gentle about it. I have sensitive conversations about it with parent and child, and I take the parent aside and privately share things in a very straightforward and clinical way so I can prevent giving the child a complex. You are going to get no where with this. Is this horrible? Yes, but not your circus.

I didn't even think about it from the healthcare provider side of things. Because those are the people who DO need to have these conversations with parents.

Hopefully the parents are at least hearing it from the pediatrician's office and it will sink in one day.

mrsconn23 · March 20

FIL has harped on DefConn's diet recently and it's frickin' annoying AF. He eats a wide array of things, especially loves his fruits and veggies and will down a protein shake no problem. I have to yell at him to stay out of the salad while I'm making dinner because he'll eat all the lettuce, cucumbers, and red peppers if I don't kick him out. He also loves crackers, chips, granola bars, cookies, etc too. We have no concerns about his weight or development and neither does his doctor.

Also, FIL could not keep only crap in his house and stock a bag of apples or bunch of bananas, or carrots and hummus if he's that concerned about it when DefConn comes over.

Anyway, unsolicited advice, well-meaning or otherwise, is typically not welcomed. Do what you can to be a positive influence for this kid, but being critical of him or his parents isn't the path.

You say nothing. It is not your place.

Re: You say nothing. It is not your place.

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