Dear Prudence,
I am much closer in age to my niece than anyone else in the family. We act more like sisters than aunt and niece. She is 13 and having a real rough go at it right now. Her mom is very, very sick and was forced to move with her parents to seek treatment out of state. My niece is now living with her dad and her five new stepsiblings. She has to share a room with her 8- and 6-year-old stepsisters. She has zero privacy or time or attention placed on just her. Her stepmother constantly complains that she isn’t “helping” enough (i.e. being the free babysitter while her older step-brothers play video games). My niece is miserable. I share a studio apartment, but my roommate is usually gone every weekend to see her boyfriend. I drive down and pick up my niece most weekends. We usually don’t do much but Netflix and chill.
Well, my brother’s new wife is getting incredibly pissy over these visits: I am spoiling my niece or slighting her kids. Her solution is I take her two daughters along with my niece or I stay here on their lumpy couch. I want to be there for my niece, not be the unpaid maid for my sister-in-law. My brother is just wishy-washy. He will agree with my reasoning: It is less stressful for my niece; I don’t have the energy or the room to take on two smaller girls; his couch sucks; and it is a bit less chaos in his house. Then poof! His wife starts whining again, and I can’t win.
My parents have expressed concern about my niece and asked if maybe she should move in with them. They live close by but in a different school district. I feel like people keep having me hold loaded guns. Should my parents take my niece? Should she go live with her other grandparents? Should I confront my brother and his wife over this bullshit? My niece tells me she likes being with me because it is quiet. We watch TV, or read, or take walks to the park. I tell her she can ask me anything, but I am never going to push her. I usually socialize during the week because most of my friends work retail. I am 24. I am in over my head here. Help!
—Russian Roulette