Wedding Woes

Let them stay mad.

Dear Prudence,

I own a three-bedroom house and work from home. My half-brother, “Jared,” travels for work and usually lives with our parents. He is dating “Lisa” in my city, so he stays over with me when he has work in town and sees Lisa. She lived with her parents. My problem is how Lisa conducts herself in my house. She likes to sleep in when my brother has to leave for work and putz around eating my food, blasting music on my stereo, and generally being obnoxious. And she clearly has an exhibitionist streak because most of the time she is half naked—like wandering around in her bra and short shorts or my brother’s tank tops that do nothing to cover her breasts. I even caught her fresh from a shower wearing nothing but a towel and watching TV in my living room.

I am gay, but frankly her behavior is nothing but bizarre. I have mentioned to Jared several times that Lisa can’t linger when he isn’t here. The last time, I snapped at Lisa to get dressed and get the hell out of my house. She accused me of being a pervert and always staring at her. I told her she is basically doing everything but shaking her ass at me when I come out for coffee, so maybe go look in a mirror. This caused a huge rift between Jared and me. I ended up telling him to find another place to stay when he was in town and changed the locks for good measure.

Now my parents and Jared are pissed at me. Jared either has to get a motel room or do the six-hour around trip for work—both cost serious money. Jared has had plenty of girls over at my place that knew how to conduct themselves decently. I don’t understand what Lisa’s problem was. The first time I asked her to wear a bathrobe in the common areas should have been the end of it. I guess she took it as a personal challenge. Now I don’t know what to do about the rift between my family and me.

—House Rules

Re: Let them stay mad.

  • You didn’t say Jared couldn’t stay, or hell even Lisa- just that she had to wear clothes. Which shouldn’t be a hard thing to do for a free place to stay. 

    If Lisa wants to walk around semi-nude she should get her own place, and Jared can stay there. 
  • "Mom and Dad you get to make the rules of your home.  These are the rules of my home and I insist that they be followed.  When they aren't then I do not allow the rule breakers in." 

    What I would do is consider telling Jared that he's welcome but the GF isn't.  
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I mean, he basically made a boundary, told Jared he could stay but not Lisa and Jared didn't like the boundary.  TOO BAD.

    Also, I think it's weird she'd stay w/out Jared.  Makes me feel like Jared actually overstepped.

    LW, your family will get over it.  I feel like life is going to become very inconvenient for Lisa without your house and this relationship will end sooner rather than later.
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 4
    I had to reread the letter because I was originally thinking Lisa lived in the same town as Jared and traveled with him.

    Oh, but no!  She lives in the same town as the LW.  She can just go back to her own house any time.  So weird she wanted to hang out by herself at the LW's house.  I would feel like such an imposition.

    At any rate, the LW drew reasonable and understandable boundaries.  Lisa was given multiple opportunities to correct her behavior, but chose to be rude AF in someone else's house instead.  And Jared had multiple opportunities to tell Lisa to cut it out before he lost his free place to stay.  Or stop inviting her over.  But chose not to do either one of those things.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Back in my roommate days one of our house rules was if you had an overnight guest, they were in the apartment when their host was in the apt. If host leaves for work at 7:45, the guest goes too.  I side completely with LW - parents need to stay waayy out of this, and Jared has to start staying with his gf, or as suggested, stay at a hotel or make the round trip. 
    I'm definitely biased bc I hate overnight guests, but I wouldn't have let him (and gf who already lives in town?!) stay even once.
  • ei34 said:
    Back in my roommate days one of our house rules was if you had an overnight guest, they were in the apartment when their host was in the apt. If host leaves for work at 7:45, the guest goes too.  I side completely with LW - parents need to stay waayy out of this, and Jared has to start staying with his gf, or as suggested, stay at a hotel or make the round trip. 
    I'm definitely biased bc I hate overnight guests, but I wouldn't have let him (and gf who already lives in town?!) stay even once.
    If you're respectful then I'm pretty casual about overnight guests.  But the older I get, if you cramp my style then I look forward to your exit. 

    There's so much wrong here that I'd absolutely put my foot down and would not change regardless of how bad the parents feel.   
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