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How about compassion first before cutting her out?

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I recently became a mom and am one of only a few moms in the friend group. I love being a mom and I have really settled into the role, while still enjoying my hobbies, traveling, and seeing friends, and I have a very supportive and involved partner. I have a friend who does not have as much support and does not seem as happy with her life as a mother, and I feel like feelings of jealousy/resentment are constantly being directed towards me, as well as other friends in group, if she misses out on things or isn’t included. It is getting worse, and I wonder if I should address it, but I am not sure how. I also feel like it makes me less interested in hanging out with her, which is only going to make the problem worse with time if no one says anything.

—Don’t Kill My Vibe

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Re: How about compassion first before cutting her out?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What about seeing if you two can split a babysitter??  Listen to her?  Parenting can suck when you feel alone.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    The fact that your idea is not "my friend needs more support; with all of mine, how can I provide it?" and instead is just "the fact that my friend is drowning is harshing my vibe" - wow.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    “ I have a ton of support and privilege and my friend doesn’t. How can I cut her out instead of trying to help her” is one approach to motherhood. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
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    Hm, I wonder if this is just some weird mom guilt that LW is feeling and if it's even true.  How about having a conversation with your friend, LW, about how she's doing?

    If you don't want to be her friend anymore, just don't.  Stop making excuses for it.
    �
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ugh.  This LW irritates me.  "I love being a new mom!  I'm just having the best time and I can still do my girl's nights because my partner is just the bee's knees.  My friend Sally's husband sucks and she's not having as easy of a time adapting to motherhood.  She seems sad.  We should stop inviting her to things, right?" The.Fuck? 

    With ALL the discourse about postpartum emotional issues, you've decided that you need to isolate a (seemingly) longtime friend because she's changed since having a kid and it's harder for her than it has been for you?  You're a terrible friend, LW. 

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  • banana468banana468 member
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    Yup - if I had a baby now I wouldn't have the support system I did.   And even back then we had parents an hour away.  It wasn't that easy to get out and I was TIRED.  Some dads are just not hands on and that makes it worse.  

    Be the village.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
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    Ever stop to ask her how she's doing and if she needs anything? Or to think that maybe she's overwhelmed or depressed and your going on and on about how wonderful your life as a mother is might be really grating for her?

    image
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    I like the ideas of speaking to the friend from a stance of "how are you doing/how can I help."  Perhaps even broaching the subject of postpartum depression if the right opening happens.

    But I'm also more sympathetic to the LW.  It gets really tiring when people make decisions with "pros", but also obvious "cons", and then bitch all the time about it.
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