Wedding Woes

I am confusion re: this letter.

Dear Prudence,

I have a good friend who I’ve known since 2019. He’s really come through for me before, and I’ve always trusted and respected him. The day after we spent an hour together, he notified me that he had just become symptomatic and tested positive for COVID. He also disclosed that he had not received the most recent vaccine. Two days later, I came down with COVID myself. I’m quite angry because he knows that my roommate has a compromised immune system, and he works out in public most of the day. I didn’t think to ask whether he got prior vaccines, or if he’s been putting my roommate and I at risk from the moment we started meeting in person again.

I have very strong feelings that I need to convey. I want to protect my roommate and our friendship. I want to confront him but also still be polite. How far do I go to stay courteous? Do I need to avoid words like “reckless” or “selfish” altogether, and if so, how do I still bring home the impact of how hurtful this was?

—Cautiously Confrontational

Re: I am confusion re: this letter.

  • He told you when he tested positive, what more are you expecting? He didn’t get together with you when he knowingly had the virus or with symptoms did he? If that’s the case he isn’t in the wrong here. 

    If your roommate is high risk then you’re the one “endangering” them by meeting with someone you know goes out in public. 

    I have a lot of thoughts about the CDC’s lack of encouraging ongoing boosters, ending free testing, and seemingly throwing up their hands with informing people on ongoing risks and how to mitigate them. But your friend isn’t doing anything wrong here. 
  • Unless he was symptomatic and still met up with you, I'm not sure WTF you're freaking out for LW.  It's not like he had covid AT you.  Also, HE DID DO THE RESPONSIBLE THING.  He called you after he got a + test. 

    I feel like LW is mad at this friend for another reason.  This was just a convenient hill to try and die on.  

  • I think you need to decide if you do trust this friend.  Because if the friend was honest with you then the biggest issue is that the friend isn't vaccinated making it easier for him to both contract and pass Covid - but you can still get it as you did.

    Before you decide to say your strong feelings figure out what they are.  And determine how much you want to state when the current guidance of Covid is changing.

    I say this as the parent of an immunosuppressed kid who has her vaccinated but sends her to a large public school where I know she's exposed by unvaccinated.  It's about balance here.
  • banana468 said:
    I think you need to decide if you do trust this friend.  Because if the friend was honest with you then the biggest issue is that the friend isn't vaccinated making it easier for him to both contract and pass Covid - but you can still get it as you did.

    Before you decide to say your strong feelings figure out what they are.  And determine how much you want to state when the current guidance of Covid is changing.

    I say this as the parent of an immunosuppressed kid who has her vaccinated but sends her to a large public school where I know she's exposed by unvaccinated.  It's about balance here.
    Looks like the friend was vaccinated just didn’t get the most recent booster. Which even for someone with heightened risk (asthma) I had a hard time finding out when I could get it and who had it available. 
  • banana468 said:
    I think you need to decide if you do trust this friend.  Because if the friend was honest with you then the biggest issue is that the friend isn't vaccinated making it easier for him to both contract and pass Covid - but you can still get it as you did.

    Before you decide to say your strong feelings figure out what they are.  And determine how much you want to state when the current guidance of Covid is changing.

    I say this as the parent of an immunosuppressed kid who has her vaccinated but sends her to a large public school where I know she's exposed by unvaccinated.  It's about balance here.
    Looks like the friend was vaccinated just didn’t get the most recent booster. Which even for someone with heightened risk (asthma) I had a hard time finding out when I could get it and who had it available. 
    Right.  If the friend doesn't have the most recent one and the LW did and the friend wasn't covering up symptoms, I'm not sure what the LW is so angry at.

    I get it - it's been an emotional 4 years.  But this seems to be looking for an argument. 
  • levioosalevioosa member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Listen, SIL A was symptomatic, refused to test initially, still went to Thanksgiving, then went to UC and tested positive the next day. That's something to be mad about. This? Not so much. 

    And maybe friend hasn't gotten a booster because of side effects. I would absolutely love to keep getting vaccines. But last time I had chest pain, SOB and my HR was in the 120s for 3 days straight at rest after getting it. So I'm not a candidate any more. This is a lot of emotion for a friend who seemed to try and do the right thing. What are you really made about? 


    image
  • Do you want friends or not?
  • Newsflash LW.  Not everyone you spend time with is fully vaccinated, including with the latest vaccine.  Depending on when this letter was written, it also might have been the height of flu season.

    But if someone being fully vaccinated is this important to them, then they need to ask those questions.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I have a lot of thoughts about the CDC’s lack of encouraging ongoing boosters, ending free testing, and seemingly throwing up their hands with informing people on ongoing risks and how to mitigate them. But your friend isn’t doing anything wrong here. 
    It disgusts me to no end that our government is SO AGAINST providing any kind of free healthcare to the masses that they can't even provide free vaccines/flu shots.

    Not just for COVID.  All of them.  It is the LEAST.  THE VERY LEAST they should be doing.  Especially for communicable diseases.  Because protecting as many people as possible, protects everyone.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I have a lot of thoughts about the CDC’s lack of encouraging ongoing boosters, ending free testing, and seemingly throwing up their hands with informing people on ongoing risks and how to mitigate them. But your friend isn’t doing anything wrong here. 
    It disgusts me to no end that our government is SO AGAINST providing any kind of free healthcare to the masses that they can't even provide free vaccines/flu shots.

    Not just for COVID.  All of them.  It is the LEAST.  THE VERY LEAST they should be doing.  Especially for communicable diseases.  Because protecting as many people as possible, protects everyone.
    And IN ADDITION, that they do not provide the tests!  How many times I've swabbed my kids in the last four years and then had to take them to the pedi because it wasn't COVID but was Flu or strep.  If I can get a Covid test why not at least a rapid flu?  


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