Dear Prudence,
I am a 39-year-old woman who has always loved theater. In my adult life, it has taken a back burner. However, a few years ago, I decided to dip my toe back in the water. This was with the encouragement and support of my lovely good friend “Bethany” who has performed with many local theater companies and has a very well-earned reputation as a great performer and amazing person to work with. I got big and sometimes leading roles fairly easily as a young person, but I also know that rejection is just part of the business, so I was surprised both by how difficult it was to get cast and how much it hurt when I wasn’t.
This was exacerbated by the fact that I talked Bethany into coming with me to a few auditions for shows I definitely let myself get too excited about and wound up not getting in while she did. I think it was the feeling of being passed over while Bethany (and her partner, who is also a stalwart in many local troupes) continued to get chosen over and over that got me. It was impossible at times not to feel like she was not just chosen while I wasn’t, but chosen over me, though in reality, we wouldn’t have been up for the same roles. I wasn’t mad at all at Bethany. She’s wonderful and I know why she got cast. She knocked those shows out of the park! The feelings were just complicated. I recently got a very (very) small role in a show and wound up not having the best time or gelling with the cast, who were gelling spectacularly with each other, but I put my best into my handful of lines and stayed professional, reliable, and a team player. It stung a lot though, especially when the rest of the cast forgot to include me in a photo while I was just in the other room. It compounded the feeling that the theater scene in our city might just not be for me on the whole, but I was hoping to potentially be able to translate my small part and can-do attitude into something meatier now that my foot was in the door.
However, I was passed over again for a role in the same company’s next show, and while I am fine, I can’t pretend like the feeling of sadness isn’t accruing to the level of diminishing returns. I didn’t even get a callback, while other people were getting in on their first auditions. I know I’m a good actor. Not better or more deserving than other people who get in the shows, but good! While I would love a chance for something bigger and I know I am absolutely capable, I can’t force that and I know it’s just a matter of tight competition and the director’s vision. Despite knowing it’s not personal, I am still very much considering giving one or two more shows a chance, and then perhaps, if I am still not getting roles or only getting incredibly small ones, I’ll focus on other things where I feel more successful and valued. Bethany has spoken about how great it would be to work together sometime, but I would really like to not go out for any more shows she does. Past experience tells me she will get in and get a lead role, and I am very much likely not to be cast here. I don’t want to risk our friendship by getting resentful or self-conscious about this, but I know telling her that I won’t audition with her anymore won’t be a fun conversation, and I am also risking the small chance that maybe we both will get in a play and have a lot of fun! What should I do?
—No Small Parts