Dear Prudence,
A few years ago, I enjoyed being in a large group of friends who shared a lot of the same interests and would socialize frequently. In addition to regularly socializing at casual events, we traveled together several times per year. Three years ago, it was revealed that two of our friends, who were married to other people, had been having a long-term affair. One of the couples has since divorced (Amber and Ben), and the other couple stayed together (Chris and Delia).
Amber, Ben, and Delia cannot be in the same room as each other, so all of our traditions have been impacted. We now have to decide who to include and who to exclude from every trip and every social event. I am particularly conscious of Amber’s feelings because she is not at fault. I am currently planning a trip for a milestone birthday and I have invited Delia. I don’t agree with what she did and the fact that she has shown little remorse, but we have a lot in common and she is my oldest friend.
How should I deal with this situation (and other future similar situations) since I cannot invite my other two friends? I was discussing this trip with Amber and a group of friends, and I had to privately tell Amber afterward that Delia was attending the trip. It got really awkward and I felt bad. When I think too much about the situation, I feel angry at Delia for fracturing our group of friends (on top of splitting up a marriage and doing damage to her own family unit), and I feel like I made a mistake inviting Delia on the trip. I want Amber to know that I value our friendship even though I am still friends with Delia.
—Fractured Friendships