Dear Prudence,
My stepchildren are 15 and 20. I have a toddler and stay at home. Things are pretty tight, moneywise. They never text us when they are coming over for dinner. Then, they complain that they’re hungry and don’t have hot food in front of them and have to make themselves a sandwich. Half the time, they don’t even bother to show up when they say they will, leaving us to waste food. Even with boxing up the leftovers, it is beyond frustrating. My husband likes having dinnertime be family time, but frankly, it feels to me like a slap in the face. I am not asking for the moon and the stars here—just be respectful and let me know if you’re coming for dinner or not!
I hit my limit when I made some fresh spaghetti with enough for my husband and me and our baby. The 20-year-old shows up with friends and then tells me, to my face, that I need to get back in the kitchen and make more. My husband was right there when this was said to me. I got up, got my toddler, and left the house for a very long walk.
When we got back home, my husband was upset that I had made a “scene.” I told him that if I hadn’t left, there would have been a scene that required the police to be called. How dare he let his adult child speak to me like that. I am his wife, not the cook and housekeeper his children get to use and abuse. I told him I was done: I would cook for our baby and myself. My husband could be the short-order cook for his own kids. I am sticking to it, and my husband hates it. The man could burn water, and his kids don’t want to learn to cook either (I tried). I am not expecting my stepchildren to see me as an authority figure, but some courtesy isn’t hard. Short of just throwing in the towel, what do I do?
—Dinnertime