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Wedding Woes

Ignore their noise, as it's your daughter's decision at the end of the day.

Dear Prudence,

I’m a single mom of three: 17-year-old daughter, 13-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son. I work a full-time job and homeschool our oldest daughter and son. Well, our daughter is graduating this year and has been accepted to a university in our state. She is really smart and very versed with different cultures. At first, their father seemed happy about her graduation and her acceptance. The thing is, his mother has a problem with me homeschooling, saying that my daughter can’t function in a school setting. In particular, she believes my daughter is not social since she doesn’t have a boyfriend. But the truth is, she did dual-enrollment at a community college with other high schoolers. Additionally, my ex’s mother doesn’t want her to go to this college because it is not “black” enough.

Now, my ex has a problem with the plan and mentioned to our daughter that she needs to go to a HBCU instead of this college, even though it has what she wants to major in and minor in. It angers me that he would open his mouth to discourage her. I already went off on him because they have no say about her future. How can I encourage her to continue to go after her dreams?

—Trying to Keep My Cool

Re: Ignore their noise, as it's your daughter's decision at the end of the day.

  • Ask her how the interaction with her Dad made her feel. Ask her how she feels about her school choice. 

    Keep your cool by keeping your cool in front of her. He tried to railroad her to do what he wants- don’t do the same. Be curious with her and see how she’s doing. But she may have just s thought “dad is nuts I’m ignoring him”. 
  • The mom needs to continue to give her unwavering support to her daughter.  Keep instilling in her the most important thing is for her to choose the college that she most wants to go to.

    I'm reading between the lines, but I'm assuming the grandmother/father are talking about a specific HBCU(s) that are also within the same state.  If so, it makes the stakes even higher if those universities don't have the major/minor that the daughter wants.

    The fields of study a person wants is even more important than their university choice.  It makes zero sense to go to a university that doesn't even have the major/minor they want.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • It’s April. Way too late to be changing colleges. 
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