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Have you been waiting for her to fall in love with you all this time?

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I (she/her, early 30s) am struggling with some weird and surprising emotions. My best friend (also early 30s) is stunningly beautiful. She’s generous, smart, and capable, and we deeply get each other. When we first met years ago we shared a mutual crush, but nothing ever happened. I’ve always said I’m grateful we never pursued anything since she’s such a wonderful friend.

A few days ago, she texted me that she has a new boyfriend. I told her how excited I was for her, but if I’m totally honest my stomach dropped reading her message. I thought maybe I was jealous of her finding a deeper connection (I’ve been having some existential dating anxiety lately), or that I was disappointed we won’t be single girls together anymore… But now I’m worried I’m just upset that her new person isn’t me.

I’ve never been jealous of her boyfriends before. We are devoted to each other, but we’ve always maintained some distance. I don’t want to risk such an important friendship. We’ve even talked about retiring together. I do not understand what has changed… How can I navigate these new (or maybe not so new) feelings? Help!

—Hopefully Overreacting

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Re: Have you been waiting for her to fall in love with you all this time?

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It sounds like you’re spiraling. It might be that you’re jealous/ having a hard time with your own dating life. Or that she found someone and you’re not single. Or it might be that you’re into her. But Prudie doesn’t know which. 

    So let yourself feel it a little more. Figure out exactly what you’re feeling. If you’re confused by the feelings you need to let yourself feel them and think about what it’s bringing up for you. Basically you’ve got to figure this one out yourself. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That's interesting that the LW hasn't felt jealous of previous boyfriends.

    They're on the right track.  They realize something has changed and need to explore their own feelings more.  Have romantic feelings for their friend increased?  Are they frustrated with their own dating angst?  Maybe a little of both.

    I think it's possible it's her age that's different.  I know for me, entering my 30s felt like "okay, my carefree 20s are over, now my life is more serious."  Nothing was actually different in my life, but it was more a perspective shift.  That I needed to start thinking more practically and seriously about what I wanted my future to look like and how I would get there.  Including retirement.  It really struck me the LW also mentioned retirement.

    Along with no longer being "single girls together".  That implies to me the LW has been thinking about "getting married vs. not getting married".  Will they ever even meet the right person.  Will their BFF get married someday.  What happens if she does and they don't.
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