Dear Prudence,
My brother-in-law died last year, leaving my sister to struggle as the single mother of a toddler. Her 10-year-old stepdaughter, “Stephanie,” went to live with her paternal grandparents, as her mother is out of the picture.
My sister has struggled to keep Stephanie in her life, but Stephanie acts awful around her. She blames my sister for the accident and the fact she had to change schools and houses, since my sister could not afford the rent on the house and had to move into a studio. Her grandparents can’t handle her, so they pawn her off on my sister whenever they can. And since my sister works as a waitress, she takes whatever shift she can get, meaning she puts the kids with me since I am a stay at home mom.
I love my sister. I understand Stephanie is a kid going through a lot of stress and grief, but I can’t handle her! Stephanie will pick fights with my kids, deliberately disobey me, and has even run away twice while my back was turned. I can’t even run errands because I can’t trust Stephanie to behave in public properly. It can’t keep going this way. Therapy is a pipe dream. We all live paycheck to paycheck. I am ready to just put my foot down. It isn’t getting any better. Help!
—Drowning