Dear Prudence,
After three years, my girlfriend is finally getting over her clinical depression. She is taking her meds, talking to a therapist, and recently got a job. Everything should be sunshine and roses. I want to leave. My girlfriend was a foster kid. She spent her early 20s on the streets or in bad relationships to have somewhere to sleep. I thought she was so strong and brave for getting to the position where we met. She had a great job and an apartment, and was just filled with life. When her depression hit, she quit going to work, lost her apartment, and had to move in with me.
I had to drag her into the shower, force her to brush her teeth, and beg her to get help. She maxed out my emergency credit card in her shopping sprees and would break down in sobbing fits when I got upset. I was working 50 to 60 hours a week to keep us afloat and would come back to my girlfriend crying over not putting away the clean dishes as I asked. Our sex life was/is nonexistent. I felt more like a single parent than a partner. I knew my girlfriend didn’t have anyone but me.
She is better now, but her behavior—and it was a mental illness—meant I was working sick or sleepless because if I broke down everything else would, too. I honestly don’t feel anything toward her anymore but a dull obligation. My brother has been trying to get me to move and help him at his company. I want to take it and create a fresh start. I am afraid that breaking up with my girlfriend will cause her to crash and burn again. I feel guilty and then I feel angry. And the cycle starts again. What should I do?
—Fresh Start