Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion

Tell your SIL, but no one has to follow her boundaries (including her daughter).

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence, 

My oldest niece has been going to school in New York, and will be starting her second semester this spring. Since my husband and I have never been to New York, we decided to schedule a visit to see the city and visit with her. My husband decided to invite my parents since we do a lot of traveling together and thought they’d want to visit with her as well. My dilemma is that my sister-in-law is currently having a hard time with my parents (her in-laws), and is trying to set boundaries with them as well as boundaries for the teenage kids still at home.

My oldest niece is 18 and didn’t seem to have an issue with us all visiting, and is looking forward to us going out there. I have to let my sister-in-law know that my parents will be coming along on this trip, but the decision to invite them was after she had mentioned that she was setting new boundaries. I’m afraid this will complicate their situation and create more tension since they are visiting her eldest. My parents are not aware of the issues she’s trying to work out so I’m not sure how they would feel about going if they knew. How should I tell her? I feel like I’m disrespecting her decision on boundaries, and it’s eating me up.

—Anxious Aunt

Report Reply to Post

Re: Tell your SIL, but no one has to follow her boundaries (including her daughter).

  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Tell your SIL, without making a million excuses or apologies, that your parents are going on the trip to New York with you. If she's not okay with it, she can take it up with them directly. Don't become the go-between. (I'm curious as to what these "issues" are that SIL is trying to set boundaries about without actually talking to the in-laws.)

    That said, the niece in New York is an adult who should be able to decide for herself what kind of relationship she has with her relatives.
    image
    Report Reply
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why is your husband so insistent on inviting your parents after your SIL said she was working on boundaries? I think you’re really in the wrong here. 
    Report Reply
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2024
    I think this is all stupid and being spun up by LW to be a bigger deal than it is.  I also think LW's SIL is weaponizing therapy language instead of being direct about what the hell the issue is with the IL's.  

    I'm assuming that LW, H, and their parents have booked accommodations, as I'm sure a college student in NYC doesn't have the space to house 4 extra adults for any length of time.  

    If LW knew there was an issue with SIL vs. IL's, they should have told their H, "Hey, IDK what's going on and we're not getting in the middle, but SIL is struggling with my parents. "  I'd hope their H would have asked LW before inviting LW's parents. 

    Now that LW's parents are going, I'd just tell SIL, "Hey, mom and dad are joining us on our NYC trip." and leave it.  SIL can be mad all she wants.  If she wants to talk to her daughter, that's between them. 

    I'm sorry, but this is an issue that LW's SIL has created entirely on her own.  The only advice I have for LW is to ask their H to run any plans to invite people along on their trips by them before extending the offer. 
    Report Reply
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I had to read this letter a few times to understand who all the parties are and how they are related to each other, lol.

    Assuming I'm understanding it correctly, and I'm not sure I am, here is my take.

    The LW's parents are the niece's grandparents (I think!).  This seems like a lot of drama and borrowed trouble over grandparents visiting their granddaughter.  Especially since it sounds like it's recently the SIL has had issues with the grandparents.  The LW said she wasn't aware of it until recently and that her parents aren't aware at all.  Now that the LW knows, she should give a head ups to her SIL that the parents will be there also.

    Where is the LW's brother, the niece's dad, in all of this?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    omg this is all childish. 


    image
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards