Dear Prudence,
Let me first start by saying my husband and I have a very solid relationship and I feel very fortunate to have a loving and supportive partner. Where we struggle is with my in-laws. My husband and I were both raised in households where family time was a big priority. However, the way in which our families differ is how they go about wanting to spend time with us. My in-laws forcefully insist on spending time with us and struggle with the boundaries we have put in place over the years. I often am made to feel bad if I can’t attend a family event (sometimes there are multiple a week).
The latest is a debacle over Easter. After changing plans to better accommodate their schedules, we agreed on celebrating my brother-in-law’s birthday Friday night with my husband’s family, then celebrating my nephew’s birthday with my family on Saturday, followed by Easter on Sunday including both families. After lunch, my husband and I planned to go home so I can prepare for an international trip that I leave for on Tuesday. However, my father-in-law is insistent that we go to their house after to spend more time with them. I nicely but firmly stated that I really needed the afternoon to get my work and affairs in order for my trip, to which he responded that we “should come for an hour.” I feel like no matter what I say or do my boundaries are not respected. When incidents like this happen my husband will have a conversation with his parents but things never seem to improve. I genuinely do not know what to do anymore, the only strain in our relationship involves his family and I am tired of things not getting better.
—At a Loss