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The 'covid divide' is real.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I was having lunch with a gal pal, reminiscing about some old times, when we began to chat about a friend group we’d both lost touch with over the pandemic. The disconnect was deliberate for me: They felt like it was a great time to score some low-cost vacations and no lines at the local restaurants and I…didn’t. This meant turning down multiple invitations over two years until they finally stopped asking. My friend, very seriously, said, “Oh, well you’re better off. The way they talked about you was just awful,” before she clammed up and wouldn’t divulge another word. Part of me says I shouldn’t care, and the other part is just at a loss to think that I’d been wholly unaware! I’ve tried to pry it out of my friend but she’s not budging (I think maybe because she’s still connected to a few of them). Any tips on reframing this for my own peace of mind?

—I’m Better Off

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Re: The 'covid divide' is real.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,

    I was having lunch with a gal pal, reminiscing about some old times, when we began to chat about a friend group we’d both lost touch with over the pandemic. The disconnect was deliberate for me: They felt like it was a great time to score some low-cost vacations and no lines at the local restaurants and I…didn’t. This meant turning down multiple invitations over two years until they finally stopped asking. My friend, very seriously, said, “Oh, well you’re better off. The way they talked about you was just awful,” before she clammed up and wouldn’t divulge another word. Part of me says I shouldn’t care, and the other part is just at a loss to think that I’d been wholly unaware! I’ve tried to pry it out of my friend but she’s not budging (I think maybe because she’s still connected to a few of them). Any tips on reframing this for my own peace of mind?

    —I’m Better Off

    1) The friend was already over the line IMO but essentially said to the LW to not reach out to those people because they're not aligned.

    2) LW isn't aligned in her beliefs/ethics with that old friend group.  For whatever reason that exists for the LW and the friends they just aren't in the same places anymore.  It's unfortunate but sometimes you have to cut your losses. 

    LW you can reframe this as sometimes in stressful situations people show you who they are.  You aren't aligned with these people.  The only thing I'd ask is are you still cautious or are you going out now?    
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The LW needs to stop bugging their friend.  The friend made a major faux pas to have said something like that at all, but at least quickly realized her mistake.

    It sounds like the LW is no longer friends with these people anyway, so they need to let it go.  The LW can probably take a good guess what they said because there are only a few themes to choose from, to talk about people who were careful during the pandemic.

    I did a slow fade from a longtime friend during the pandemic.  Let's just say the posts on her wall were constantly being redacted by Facebook for being "misinformation".  She at least never said it was a completely a hoax.  But stuff like the population is more likely to catch COVID if you wear a mask.  With links to articles that come from the far right.  Yes, you read that right.  More likely, smh.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2024
    The social devastation of Covid is so sad and because of how awful our political climate is, this letter is probably a dime a dozen.  It truly sucks because it never had to be this way.  I feel for this LW. 

    The friend made a blunder, but if LW was saying nice-ish things about these people, it can be hard to sit on your hands metaphorically.  Especially if they were truly awful about them.  

    I think I was pretty even-keeled and tried to be understanding of everyone's level (especially pre-vaccines) while choosing what I felt was right for me and my family, but some of my relationships are not the same.  Not because of any falling out, but because it changed so much about how everyone moves in the world. Maybe it would have happened without Covid, but we'll literally never know.  
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    mrsconn23 said:
    The social devastation of Covid is so sad and because of how awful our political climate is, this letter is probably a dime a dozen.  It truly sucks because it never had to be this way.  I feel for this LW. 

    The friend made a blunder, but if LW was saying nice-ish things about these people, it can be hard to sit on your hands metaphorically.  Especially if they were truly awful about them.  

    I think I was pretty even-keeled and tried to be understanding of everyone's level (especially pre-vaccines) while choosing what I felt was right for me and my family, but some of my relationships are not the same.  Not because of any falling out, but because it changed so much about how everyone moves in the world. Maybe it would have happened without Covid, but we'll literally never know.  
    I never thought about it with this connection.  But it seemed like Trump being elected was very politically dividing.  And then COVID starting during his term just amplified that division even more.  Governors were even fighting mayors in their own state (looking at you FL).  It was terrible choices of how do we protect the economy while protecting peoples' lives and health.  Where should that balance be and everyone had different opinions.

    Not politically related and arguably an even greater impact is if you don't see friends for a long time, it's natural that a lot of those friendships will change or just never get started back up.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    short+sassy said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    The social devastation of Covid is so sad and because of how awful our political climate is, this letter is probably a dime a dozen.  It truly sucks because it never had to be this way.  I feel for this LW. 

    The friend made a blunder, but if LW was saying nice-ish things about these people, it can be hard to sit on your hands metaphorically.  Especially if they were truly awful about them.  

    I think I was pretty even-keeled and tried to be understanding of everyone's level (especially pre-vaccines) while choosing what I felt was right for me and my family, but some of my relationships are not the same.  Not because of any falling out, but because it changed so much about how everyone moves in the world. Maybe it would have happened without Covid, but we'll literally never know.  
    I never thought about it with this connection.  But it seemed like Trump being elected was very politically dividing.  And then COVID starting during his term just amplified that division even more.  Governors were even fighting mayors in their own state (looking at you FL).  It was terrible choices of how do we protect the economy while protecting peoples' lives and health.  Where should that balance be and everyone had different opinions.

    Not politically related and arguably an even greater impact is if you don't see friends for a long time, it's natural that a lot of those friendships will change or just never get started back up.
    Agreed.  I had interesting arguments at times with my mom on it.  I will never ever vote for Trump however I did have some sympathy for businesses like the restaurants who bucked the rules and opened.  My answer was - it's literally their only option.  There's no money coming in, the loans went to big business and they have the means to prepare the food!  The rules are literally taking food off their own tables in the name of protection.  

    Was I a fan of giant rallies of bikers in the Dakotas?  Of course not.  But we're still seeing business around saying that they were around for 30+ years and the last four were just too much and they couldn't make it work.    And when the reason you can't open is a rule from your government it's hard not to make it political.

    But the people who shunned science, sought alternate facts and wore lace face masks?  It's going to be hard for me to find common ground with you. 
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