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Let her have a plus one, FFS.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My daughter is getting married and is on a tight budget. She did not give my sister a plus one because she hasn’t dated anyone in years. My sister is upset that she did not get a plus one. My daughter also did not give any other guests a plus one who is not dating anyone. My sister called my daughter and told her she should not have a wedding if she can’t afford one. I don’t know what to say to my sister. My sister is upset because she says she is over 60 years old and should be allowed to bring someone. I understand she is lonely, but my daughter does not want someone at the wedding she hasn’t met.

—Upset and Hurt at My Sister

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Re: Let her have a plus one, FFS.

  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    She's 60 - ask your daughter to give her a plus one. No one acted well here, but the ask was not unreasonable in itself. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Everyone is wrong here but give your sister a plus one. She was wrong to say what she did to your daughter, but your daughter “not wanting anyone she hasn’t met” at the wedding is ridiculous too because a guest could be dating someone she hasn’t met and apparently that’s okay. Just add your sisters guest and move on. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrsconn23 said:
    I can't stand the argument of, "I don't want people I don't know at my wedding."  The *only* time I see this as rational is if you're literally doing a destination wedding with less than 10 people.  Otherwise, you're just being ridiculous and not a good host because you're not thinking of your guest's comfort during your party. 
    Totally agree.  I don't get the logic at all.  The sister isn't the same as a college friend.  Give her the plus one! 
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2024
    I don't want anyone I don't know at our home BBQs and even then SIL B has historically always brought someone new she was just talking to. Like I don't begrudge her a date, but having a new person every single time at every intimate family event does become exhausting over time. Even my grandparents asked last time, "is she bringing the same guy or is it someone new?" lol. I've never told her no though, because if she considers herself in a relationship then that person is invited. H and FIL are chapped about it, but it is what it is. 

    LW's daughter needs to give her aunt a plus one. Of course, etiquette wise daughter isn't necessarily wrong for only giving +1 to people in a committed relationship, but this feels like one of those things which is more hurtful to stick to a principle. Aunt is wrong for firing back not to have a wedding daughter can't afford though. And saying "you only want people there you know" is an AH move.


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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah I can understand the initial single invite from budget considerations, but one guest should not make or break you.

    The fact that she then said the thing about "not wanting people she doesn't know" makes me think that's the real reason.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrsconn23 said:
    I can't stand the argument of, "I don't want people I don't know at my wedding."  The *only* time I see this as rational is if you're literally doing a destination wedding with less than 10 people.  Otherwise, you're just being ridiculous and not a good host because you're not thinking of your guest's comfort during your party. 
    This is such a pet peeve of mine also.  I had a small, intimate wedding with only about 30 guests.  But even with that number, I barely had a chance to talk to everyone!

    The reality is a couple will hardly notice it, if there are a few unfamiliar faces in the crowd.  Who cares!!!

    There were two people there, SOs of my guests, that I'd never met before.  I got married in my hometown which is 1500 miles from where I live.  I was glad my wedding was an opportunity for me to meet the important people in my close friend's and stepbrother's lives.
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