Dear Prudence,
I have worked for my organization for almost 20 years in different roles. I recently started as a supervisor to a team I have never worked with before. I have found the team, including my boss, a bit cliquey. I am not invited to some group lunches, and I have seen some shared eye rolls in meetings when I speak. Last week, my boss informed me that some of my team had written a joint letter of complaint about me. The letter is absolutely brutal, but it doesn’t include any behavior that is inappropriate, rude or bullying. It’s clear they just find me really annoying. For example, they think I talk too much in the breakroom; repeat jokes and anecdotes; and don’t put niceties like “I hope you had a nice weekend” in emails. They also disagree with decisions I’ve taken that are relatively small and well within the remit of my role. The letter didn’t mention any of the positives I’ve done since joining, like using my network to get some of the complainers Executive level mentors at their request.
My boss made clear that I have to sort the issues quickly, but didn’t offer any advice on how, even when I asked them directly for support. They also asked me not to tell the team I had seen their letter. I’ve tried to keep to myself more in the office and avoid the break room completely this week. But when I do interact with my team, I’m so nervous that I am easily flustered and get a bout of verbal diarrhea, which will then be reinforcing some of their complaints. Isn’t it just a part of office life to have to work with people you don’t like? What can I do to become more likable?
—Disliked