Dear Prudence,
My ex-husband recently sent a group text to let a number of people—including me—know he is being tested for a very serious illness that could be terminal. I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t. A day later, my ex texted me personally to talk about it.
While our divorce was amicable enough, we got divorced for some very good reasons. We are not close anymore, haven’t seen each other in more than two years, and have very few shared friends. He always had trouble maintaining friendships and he admitted it got worse when I was no longer there to manage his social calendar. He is clearly feeling scared and alone. His last text to me mentioned his pain level and I just haven’t responded out of fear he’s going to ask for my help. I don’t want to get sucked back into his orbit. The idea of caring for him fills me with anxiety and dread. Am I heartless if I ignore him? How can I respond compassionately without opening the door to requests for help?
—Not My Problem, But Feels Like It