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Wedding Woes

Keep doing your trips and ignore everyone else.

Dear Prudence,

I have four children, two boys and two girls. My sons are married; my daughters are not. Since I have retired, I have frequently taken trips with my daughters. They are easy traveling companions; my sons’ wives are not. They are lovely women, but their temperaments are not comfortable to be around in small, shared spaces. One is unable to plan anything with anyone else in mind (she got airline tickets that were slightly cheaper but at an airport 50 miles away instead of the one right by my house—and expected me to drive at midnight to pick them up).

The other has zero filter. She dives right into subjects that she has been asked to avoid and gets offended when she offends someone (she and my daughters are completely opposite on the political spectrum so that is the topic she picks at most). I would rather have my fingernails ripped out than imagine being trapped in the car with all four of them on a road trip to the Grand Canyon. My sons have mentioned time and again that their wives want to be included and are hurt that I haven’t offered. I have tried to sidestep the issue by saying how much I want to see them on the annual family vacation but it is just easier to coordinate with their sisters since they live nearby. It isn’t working. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings here. Help!

—Daughter Trips

Re: Keep doing your trips and ignore everyone else.

  • Man going on a road trip with my MIL/SILs sounds horrible to me, so i can't relate from that perspective. But keep going on your trips, explain they are mother/daughter events and you're excited to see them on the family vacation. They might be upset and that's ok. You're not doing anything wrong and they're allowed to feel hurt. 
  • Let your sons know that you cherish the time you get with your daughters separately and doing this does not mean that you don't appreciate them and their wives. 
  • Can you plan a lunch or dinner date occasionally with the DIL's as a compromise? 

    Granted my MIL and I are not close, but I couldn't imagine getting upset if she planned trips with my SILs. Heck, even my last relationship, where I was suuuper close with the sisters and mom, I wouldn't have been upset by that. I feel like mom/daughter trips are a normal thing? 


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  • levioosa said:
    Can you plan a lunch or dinner date occasionally with the DIL's as a compromise? 

    Granted my MIL and I are not close, but I couldn't imagine getting upset if she planned trips with my SILs. Heck, even my last relationship, where I was suuuper close with the sisters and mom, I wouldn't have been upset by that. I feel like mom/daughter trips are a normal thing? 
    Yes!

    My MIL bitched and moaned how she was never treated like a daughter by her SILs and MIL and well....she's not!  
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