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This is where you learn to bean dip.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I live in California, although I travel outside the state from time to time and most of my co-workers reside outside the state. Can you give me a good response in these situations that keep coming up? Once someone finds out I’m from CA, I get “don’t be bringing your woke nonsense around here” or “all the people from CA are moving here and driving up the house prices so we locals can’t afford them.” Or my red and purple state co-workers love to complain about the CA political issues. Prudie, I am not personally responsible for the state that CA is in, nor do I want to hear anybody else’s opinions about it. On travel, I just want to buy a restaurant meal in peace, stay at a hotel, and go home. I’m not buying anybody’s house from under them. I promise I will not open with “I’m from CA, table for 4, with a side of politics please.” I need a script that is both polite and shuts people down.

—Tired of All the Stereotypes

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Re: This is where you learn to bean dip.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "Yeah I do hear that a lot.  Tell me about where you're from.  I hear the crab cakes are amazing!" 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oregon, where my H is originally from, used to have that sentiment about housing.  Except he had owned a house there and complained about property taxes going up, because values had gone up.

    I'm like, "Okaayyy.  Then, YOU'RE WELCOME?  That values were up when you sold your house because of all of those Californians.  Is that what you're telling me?"

    For the LW, a cheerful.  "Don't worry!  I'm not a crunchy, granola person."  That will work for "woke" and even "political" comments.  But using it as a segue to change the subject.  For housing, a general, "Yeah, housing prices are bad all over the country."  Or (with a light tone/laugh), "I promise I'm not house shopping!" 

    Then ask questions about the area.  I agree with @banana468 that food is always a good topic.  Mention a local dish and ask for some restaurant recommendations.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I feel like this is ridiculously exaggerated.  I live in a red state and mostly (with edges of purple) red area, and no one is waxing on and on about CA or 'wokeness' or 'coastal elites' or any other buzzwords very online conservative people use.  And if you're getting it from co-workers, then that's completely ridic.  

    But if it's really a 'problem' in your life, learn how to let it slide like water off a duck's back.  Find a couple of key pivot phrases and move on...
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrsconn23 said:
    I feel like this is ridiculously exaggerated.  I live in a red state and mostly (with edges of purple) red area, and no one is waxing on and on about CA or 'wokeness' or 'coastal elites' or any other buzzwords very online conservative people use.  And if you're getting it from co-workers, then that's completely ridic.  

    But if it's really a 'problem' in your life, learn how to let it slide like water off a duck's back.  Find a couple of key pivot phrases and move on...
    That makes sense in normal, every day life.

    But it has been my experience that people always say something when they find out you're from CA.  Same thing with New Orleans.  It's probably true for a lot of places.

    Though what people said to me...though that was 25ish years ago...is different then what the LW is describing.  But still based on CA stereotypes.

    Do I go to the beach all the time?  How often do I see celebrities?  Have I been to (insert famous CA landmark)?  Is it really like 90210/the OC?

    I always felt a little bad about The OC question because that is the county I grew up in.  But I never watched even one minute of that show.  I assumed it would be ridiculous and didn't want to be insulted, lol.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2024
    short+sassy said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    I feel like this is ridiculously exaggerated.  I live in a red state and mostly (with edges of purple) red area, and no one is waxing on and on about CA or 'wokeness' or 'coastal elites' or any other buzzwords very online conservative people use.  And if you're getting it from co-workers, then that's completely ridic.  

    But if it's really a 'problem' in your life, learn how to let it slide like water off a duck's back.  Find a couple of key pivot phrases and move on...
    That makes sense in normal, every day life.

    But it has been my experience that people always say something when they find out you're from CA.  Same thing with New Orleans.  It's probably true for a lot of places.

    Though what people said to me...though that was 25ish years ago...is different then what the LW is describing.  But still based on CA stereotypes.

    Do I go to the beach all the time?  How often do I see celebrities?  Have I been to (insert famous CA landmark)?  Is it really like 90210/the OC?

    I always felt a little bad about The OC question because that is the county I grew up in.  But I never watched even one minute of that show.  I assumed it would be ridiculous and didn't want to be insulted, lol.
    Landmarks, features, cuisine, 'one of a kind' things, etc. about a place, I totally understand being brought up.   But attacking the politics of an area/whole state when someone merely mentions they're from there seems really insane to me and takes a special kind to bring it up knowing only that information about someone. 

    And especially in a professional environment to a co-worker. 

    "This is Ben from the CA office.  We can't afford houses here in OK because his state is messing it up for us all since it's the land of woke, liberal, coastal elites.  All right, let's start working on the project!" 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    “I’m from the west coast, where do you recommend I get the best coffee in the area?”

    That or a little snarky “I didn’t know I was made king/queen of California, when do I get my crown?” 
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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What a non issue.  I get this occasionally with NY(C), but have never thought of it as a Prudie question, or even more than an “Oh. Okay!” response. 
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