Dear Prudence,
My parents were completely fine but never very warm or close growing up so I tempered my expectations for them as grandparents. But my parents were initially very involved. They were moderately helpful for me postpartum, and really into our son. Visits started to fade after he hit 16 months. Recently, my mom tried to get him to play with a specific toy and he picked another, she said to me, “This is why I’m more of a baby person. They’re less fun when they get older.” She then asked me when I was going to have another baby “for her.” I brushed it off but she’s been repeating it and doesn’t pay much attention to our son when she does visit. My dad is even less involved. I can shut down the baby questions fine. But the idea that she doesn’t care about our kid now that he’s old enough to make choices himself hurts so much. I thought she was turning over a new leaf as a grandmother but I think this is how she’s always been. My in-laws are awesome and I feel lucky to be in the family. It’s not like he won’t have grandparents without my parents’ attention. If I stop trying to keep them involved, they’ll probably fade out to holidays only and he’ll forget after a while. But this hurts me so much. What should I do?
—Grandma Only Likes Babies