Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend (21 M going on 22) and I (21 F going on 22) have been dating for almost six months. We both go to the same university and are in the same program. We’ve known each other and have been close friends since 2021. Whenever we are together, we have a blast and we can talk for hours on FaceTime. The problem is that his parents hate me (as far as I can tell it is because I’m not Catholic, and they have no interest in meeting me) and do not want him to come and visit me over the summer (I live in a different city when I don’t have school). We have had two major disagreements since starting long distance, the first one was more about him freaking out about our relationship and the second one was that he “wasn’t sure” if he wanted to date me because his parents “hate” me. We were mostly able to work out his issues about being in a relationship and he said that he didn’t care what his parents thought (that was about a month ago).
Next week he is/was supposed to come and visit me for the first time since school ended. For the last month, he has been going on and on about how excited he is to see me and how much he misses me, but now he is chickening out because he is worried about what his parents will think. I understand that it is easier for him if his parents are happy with him since he lives with them, but our relationship is not going to work if we do not see each other for four months. My boyfriend also came to my family’s celebration for Easter and stayed over for two nights, so it is not like he hasn’t done it before. I have thought about visiting him, but it is a four-hour drive and I, for obvious reasons, cannot stay with him overnight (my parents are chill with our relationship). I’ve also suggested that we meet halfway between our cities for the day (but his parents still don’t like the idea from what he’s said). He has already canceled the first two plans to see each other (one time was totally his fault—it was when he said that he was not sure about our relationship—and the other time was because his cousins decided that they didn’t want to come into the city).
I don’t know how to deal with him and his flip-flopping decisions. I hate not knowing what is going on. I would rather him make a decision and tell me instead of just receiving maybes and, “I really want to go…” and then canceling at the last minute. I think the aspect that annoys me the most is that I am pretty sure he knows that he is going to cancel before he tells me, so I feel like he is leading me on and wasting my time. I’ve tried asking my parents what they think I should do but they won’t give me a straight answer (they are also annoyed with him because it also affects them and their plans if he is staying over for a weekend). I feel like since going long distance our whole relationship has been on his time and I don’t get a say. I am tired of feeling like I have to constantly wait to find out if he is coming to only have him cancel again at the last possible second. Do you think I should just accept that I will not see him until September and keep the relationship going (because once I am back at school, I think things will return to normal) or break things off?
—I Hate Waiting for Him to Cancel