Dear Prudence,
My daughter was recently married to her long-term partner and the wedding went very well—she was the first wedding in the family and we got along well with our new son-in-law. However, in the run up to her wedding, some friction started between my daughter and my son’s girlfriend (which to my knowledge had not previously existed). For example, my daughter didn’t invite his girlfriend to her hen do—and my son contacted her to say that his girlfriend was very angry about this. My daughter’s reasoning was that she wanted to keep her hen do to her very close friends (some of whom live abroad and who she hadn’t been able to see in years), and that this wasn’t meant to be a snub of his girlfriend. she even reached out to his girlfriend to explain the point delicately, but this just resulted in tears (or so I’m told).
The big issue arose on my daughter’s wedding day. According to reports from family and friends (and my daughter and son-in-law), my son’s girlfriend was rude about the couple on the day to anyone who would listen and behaved quite boorishly. She was also dressed quite provocatively (to the extent that even my own friends pointed this out on the day, as well as the groom’s parents), though I admit it is tough for me to judge what is considered appropriate for their generation. This has all resulted in my daughter and son-in-law distancing themselves from my son’s girlfriend. Apparently, no apology has been offered by my son or his girlfriend.
What would you suggest I do? Until my daughter’s wedding, everyone got along—my daughter and son were very close growing up and were up until this wedding. I just want them to be friends again and don’t want a rift to be created, but my daughter is remaining stubborn and refusing to speak to my son (or his girlfriend, who she blames primarily for the behavior). I also don’t want to say anything to my son about his girlfriend, as what if he ends up marrying her, and then I’ve tainted the relationship with my future daughter-and-law? How do we go back to how things were before?
—Caught in a Rift