Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend is about to propose, but I don’t think I want to marry him. He’s a super sweet guy, and very loving, but something about being with him just leaves me feeling an emptiness inside. Recently, I got very depressed and was in a dark place. I asked him to take charge a bit more with our relationship, mostly by making plans to get out of the house and trying to help me get out of my head. Instead, he ended up getting into his own head and getting depressed, leaving me to care not only for myself but also for him.
We made it out the other side, but now I feel uneasy because it could happen again, and I don’t know if I could handle that, especially since he’s brought up having kids. I want kids, but what if I get into that dark place again? I don’t feel like I could trust him to take charge, leaving me to care for myself, him, and any kids we have. And that’s on top of some other issues I have with his personality; nothing huge, but enough to make me concerned about the long-term effects/progression. The problem with calling it off is he and my family love us, his friends think we’re great together, and the social backlash of my suddenly calling things off, especially with the proposal around the corner, is going to be huge. I have no clue how I’d handle that… If we stay together, I know it’d be a comfortable life, I’d be well taken care of and loved, but I wouldn’t really be happy. So, what do you suggest I do?
—Happiness or Comfort?