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Wedding Woes

"I appreciate you, but I know my own body. Please stop."

Dear Prudence,

My (20s F) motion sickness and my boyfriend’s (20s M) desire to help seem to be conflicting with each other in a way that’s been bugging me. I usually avoid my motion sickness by driving everywhere myself and taking medication when I must be a passenger (on planes, buses, etc.), but I was in a situation recently where he needed to drive me somewhere, and ended up with a major migraine and nausea in front of him. I did not vomit but I often do when I find myself this ill.

Since this incident, he has been peppering me with questions about my issue and wants me to try every remedy—those anti-sickness glasses with the liquid inside, pressure point wristbands, patches, you get the idea. I get that he wants to help and doesn’t want me in distress, but I know how to manage my own body and don’t want to try things I know don’t work on me and will just end up with me getting sick again! How can I get him to understand that I love him dearly and appreciate his care for me, but I know myself well enough not to need help? I have tried telling him but he will not drop the subject and continues to buy “remedies” for me without asking.

—Emotionally Motion Sick

Re: "I appreciate you, but I know my own body. Please stop."

  • "thank you but I have experienced these things and know what works to mitigate my symptoms." 
  • Also, there's a fine line between wanting to help and mansplaining it.  Let him know that.
  • She needs to start being meaner about it.  Like, "I appreciate you want to help me.  But you AREN'T.  Stop ignoring what I'm telling you, it's pissing me off.  I have lived with this condition my whole life without you and I know how to manage it."
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  • "I don't understand why you don't listen to me when I tell you to stop." This is a red flag. 
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