Dear Prudence,
I’m a 36-year-old queer man living in a major metropolitan city in the U.S. I’ve been dating my partner for about three years. Very early in our relationship, I moved into the deep city where it was too expensive to own a car, so I sold it. Public transportation is pretty good here, so getting around is still easy. When I or my partner need to go outside the city, my partner usually drives. The issue is that over the years, I’ve become a nervous passenger. I tense up and exclaim easily, and my partner has shared that it stresses them out. I know my nervousness is likely because I haven’t driven in a few years. But my vigilance HAS helped avoid a couple of accidents, which my partner has thanked me for.
Recently, we got into an argument on the way back from a social function. I knew I wasn’t going to drive, so I had some drinks. It was a weekend night, so the city streets were teeming with cars and pedestrians. I made a suggestion about how we could navigate, and my partner replied, “I don’t need a drunk person telling me how to drive.” I think my unsolicited advice warranted the reprimand, terse as it was. But I’m finding myself in a tricky situation. Do I just need to drive more often to get over my anxiety? Should I man up and trust my partner’s driving? Or do I have a right to feel nervous? I’m unsure what to do next. What do you think?
—Side-Seat Driver