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Wedding Woes

I don't think she's going to go away, unless you cut her off. Do you want help (w/strings) or not?

Dear Prudence,

I’m in the process of divorcing my husband, after less than a month of marriage. We dated happily for five years previously, but our situation is truly what “irreconcilable differences” are made for. He’s against the divorce, but I just want out. I’ve moved in with a friend. I’m trying to get a place for myself, but I wasn’t financially prepared for this and it’s tough. I know that my parents and family would love to give me a place to stay, help with attorney fees, and take care of me, but it comes with strings. My mom is the most gossipy person you can imagine. My cousin had an out-of-state abortion: She was getting calls from opinionated aunts within six hours. My brother’s embarrassing dick surgery, an aunt’s firing: It’s all fair game. My dad got into a fender-bender: He was getting lectures from the entire extended family for weeks.

She cannot keep a secret, and the more private and personal the news, the faster it spreads. Half the time I can’t even tell how she got the information. I’m keeping my reasons for divorce private, because they make me look like an idiot for marrying him and him a much worse guy than he actually is. I haven’t told anyone but my attorney. And my mom is dying to know. I get constant texts and calls where she says she’s just checking in. She’s even sent our family to push me for information. My brother confided that she’s asked him to find out, and he made me promise not to tell him so he could avoid her. I’m exhausted and so over this, but my divorce could go on for months. How do I get through this? I’ve been ignoring her, ending calls when the topic comes up. But I have other things to worry about and I just want her to go away.

—Soon to Be Divorced

Re: I don't think she's going to go away, unless you cut her off. Do you want help (w/strings) or not?

  • "Mom - I appreciate you wanting to help but I'm not interested in talking about that.  I also need to let you know that your track record of dealing with sensitive information tells me that there's a good reason I shouldn't tell you." 
  • I really want to know what these “irreconcilable differences” were that are serious enough to warrant divorce without counseling after a month of marriage, and that “aren’t that bad but make him look bad.” Because there are some mental gymnastics in this somewhere. 


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  • levioosa said:
    I really want to know what these “irreconcilable differences” were that are serious enough to warrant divorce without counseling after a month of marriage, and that “aren’t that bad but make him look bad.” Because there are some mental gymnastics in this somewhere. 
    Sounds like Renee and Kenny. 
  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh I’m super curious to know too. I’m sure mom is too, but given her track record, I definitely wouldn’t tell her.  I guess it depends on how well you can bean dip LW, if you want the help?
  • levioosa said:
    I really want to know what these “irreconcilable differences” were that are serious enough to warrant divorce without counseling after a month of marriage, and that “aren’t that bad but make him look bad.” Because there are some mental gymnastics in this somewhere. 
    My guess is either a serious money thing that he hid or an addiction. I really want to know too. 
  • The petty part of me wants to tell LW to make something up and see how fast it spreads to make fun of her.  Or tell mom that he got tired of her gossip,

    But honestly, I'd tell mom I wasn't going to talk about it because it was private.  Then I'd reduce her hours of communication, only accepting phone alls/texts at a certain time/day, just to create some space.  And in those times if mom insists, end the conversation each time and refuse to communicate until the next window of time opens.  
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