Dear Prudence,
I have six children—four of them are adults with spouses and children of their own and two are still at home. My kids and I have always been close and they, themselves, were close to each other. We would get together weekly.
Now, though there are no problems amongst each other or with myself, their spouses do not get along with their siblings for one reason or another. I am the one who has to suffer because I can’t have a dinner where we all get together, etc. They are all 30 minutes or more away from me with one living in another state. With their younger siblings still at home, I find it nearly impossible to visit them due to scheduling conflicts and extracurricular activities that the younger children have. With one out of state and the others’ hectic schedules. they don’t visit either. I feel like I have lost my family.
With having six children, I always knew I would have several grandchildren and could not wait to be a grandma. I often imagined my six children with their spouses and all my grandchildren filling my home at every get-together and holidays and my heart would literally smile! Unfortunately, what I expected would be my future is the exact opposite. I went from being a single mother surrounded by my children and grandchildren living a wonderful loving fun fun-filled life to alone, depressed, heartbroken, missing, and longing for my children and grandchildren. It makes absolutely no sense to me why we are living like this, especially when the problems are not amongst us… it’s with their spouses not being able to get along with their siblings. I suffer, and my youngest two children suffer, because the people they chose to be with have driven a wedge between the family, which once was extremely close with even two of them sharing a twin bond.
I respect their decisions with whom they have chosen as their spouse and always respect them when they are around. However, I do not understand how my children are continuing to allow this to be “the way it is.” Now my health is not the greatest and my time left is in the single digits when it comes to years remaining. All I want is to live my remaining time surrounded by my children and grandchildren in a loving fun-filled environment. What can I do? I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone, depressed, heartbroken, full of regrets, and confused as to why and how all this is possible! Who would have thought with a large family I would still end up alone!?
—Blindsided By Obviously Petty People and Manipulation