It may be time to end it and figure the rest out afterward.

Re: It may be time to end it and figure the rest out afterward.

• VarunaTT member

  

  July 2024 edited July 2024

  It's not a punch card, you don't have to sleep with other genders to prove you're bisexual.
  
  This is rather all over the place and I'd recommend finding a LGBTQ+ therapist to help LW start pinning down and thinking about what they actually want before blowing up their relationship over this.  Curiousity can definitely kill the cat, pun intended, here and LW has no idea what it's going to be like out in the dating non-hetero dating world.
  
  ETA:  This letter is making me mad for some reason and I think I identified it.  LW (through no fault of their own) is playing into some biphobic stereotypes.  My advice to them is no different than my advice to a hetero woman friend who was dreaming about sleeping with another dude.  This isn't fair to their partner, who seems to be really trying to give them space.  I think they want to break up and screw around, which is fine, but it's not b/c they're bi...it's b/c they want to screw around,

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• levioosa member

  

  July 2024

  As someone who figured out they were bi after they were already super committed to their person, yeah...it is a little unfortunate I never really got to date women. (Tbh I probably would have never gone back to men, lol). But I don't need to sleep with someone else to validate my identity, and there's no way I'm going to sacrifice my great relationship with the unicorn man that is my husband. He's supportive, we joke about it, and it's all good. LW sounds like she has a great supportive husband. I hope she doesn't blow up something great for "what-ifs." It sounds like she just wants to "try it out" and there's something about how she's talking about it that's just off to me.

  
  

  
  

  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  July 2024

  Also, dating women and other genders is NOT some sort of fantasy land.  Relationships between people take work, period.  As someone who does have a hella full punch card and had relationships with different genders including my own...the grass isn't automatically greener on the opposite side of heterosexual.
  

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• levioosa member

  

  July 2024

  VarunaTT said:

  Also, dating women and other genders is NOT some sort of fantasy land.  Relationships between people take work, period.  As someone who does have a hella full punch card and had relationships with different genders including my own...the grass isn't automatically greener on the opposite side of heterosexual.
  

  Yes, and there are a lot of problematic issues with queer relationships just as there are in hetero relationships. Add in sprinkles of internalized misogyny, internalized homophobia, and the fact that abuse is often underreported in the queer community, and it's not always greener on the other side. Every relationship takes work, love and communication. Just because you're with a woman doesn't mean it's going to be all bubbles and rainbows. There's definittteely fetishizing of queer female relationships in society, and LW needs to make sure she's truly feeling the need to separate and explore, instead of just fantasizing. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  July 2024

  @levioosa JIC, my commnt wasn't directed towards you.  This letter is really off putting to me.  It just feels like this person is just living some sort of fantasy life and destroying their own in this process with no common sense.

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• levioosa member

  

  July 2024

  VarunaTT said:

  @levioosa JIC, my commnt wasn't directed towards you.  This letter is really off putting to me.  It just feels like this person is just living some sort of fantasy life and destroying their own in this process with no common sense.

  Oh no worries, I didn't think you were at all. And I agree. Something about this letter isn't sitting well with me either. 

  
  

  
  

  

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